tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44910435007929487782024-02-21T06:23:00.999-05:00Marriage VitaminsKarenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.comBlogger122125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-59273215005836061402014-09-08T19:37:00.001-04:002014-09-08T19:37:31.233-04:00This blog has moved! Please continue to follow this blog on Building Better Relationships at:<br />
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<a href="http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; border: none; cursor: pointer; display: none; height: 20px; line-height: 0; min-height: 20px; min-width: 40px; opacity: 0.85; position: absolute; width: 40px; z-index: 8675309;"></a><a href="http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; border: none; cursor: pointer; display: none; height: 20px; line-height: 0; min-height: 20px; min-width: 40px; opacity: 0.85; position: absolute; width: 40px; z-index: 8675309;"></a>Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-40270156267405684492014-09-01T08:14:00.000-04:002014-09-01T08:14:09.341-04:00How Your Thoughts Steer Your Destiny<br />
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In an article called <u>New Ways to Predict Which Marriages
Will Succeed</u>, by Robert M. Sapolsky, in the Wall Street Journal on August
21, 2014, interestingly enough, science reinforces the fact that:</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The more subconscious
negativity in a newlywed, the larger the decline in marital satisfaction four
years later.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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What are you <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">thinking</b>
about?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if subconsciously you
entertain negativity about your spouse, your marriage, your life in general,
your thoughts will steer your destiny.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Proverbs 23.7 says, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">As
a man thinks in his heart, so is he…<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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Luke 6.45 tells us, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue Light";">Good people do the good
that is in them. But evil people do the evil that is in them. The things people
say come from inside them.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue Light";">And
Matthew 12.34 says: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">How can you evil
people say anything good? Your mouth says what comes from inside you.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue Light";">Watch
the way you allow yourself to <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">think…</b>
Those thoughts are more powerful than you realize!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue Light";">Discipline
your mind:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue Light";">1.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Think <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">positive</b> thoughts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Positive
means <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">consisting in or characterized by
the presence or possession of features or qualities rather than their absence.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In other words, be grateful for what you <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">have</b> and stop looking at what you <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">don’t have.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Read Chapter 6, <u>Reasonable and Realistic,</u>
and Chapter 14, <u>Joy in the Journey</u> from my book, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">How to Build an Enduring Marriage,</i> which can be ordered at <a href="http://www.betterrelationshipsnow.com/">http://www.betterrelationshipsnow.com</a>.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue Light";">2.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Put <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">negative</b> thoughts out of your mind, replacing them with positive ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Negative thoughts are thoughts <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">consisting in or characterized by the
absence rather than the presence of distinguishing features.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you see that science and statistics prove
that negativity predicts disaster, take note that you don’t concentrate on what
you <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">don’t have</b>!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue Light";">3.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Make your presence a <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">positive</b> one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Build up rather than tear down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Watch little things that may seem innocuous
but are subconsciously detouring your future success.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am amazed and embarrassed when I hear
someone recounting something negative about their spouse. I am keenly aware
that as the closest person in someone’s life, a spouse certainly can find
negative thing to talk about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I am
also keenly aware that a spouse can find <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">positive</b>
things to share about their mate, particularly in public.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if it is poking fun or sarcastically
sharing a bad habit, the dynamics behind such conversation goes deeper than the
moment:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue Light";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>(1)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>First of all, you are <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">tearing down</i>
with your words rather than <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">building up.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have a chance to share something
wonderful about your spouse to others with him/her present, and instead you
choose some remote little idiosyncrasy to embellish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just think of how different your spouse would
feel if you shared something wonderful they have done recently with the public
instead!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue Light";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>(2)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Secondly, you are feeding <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">negative
feelings</i> about what bothers you instead of feeding <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">positive feelings</i> about why you love your spouse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the article in the Wall Street Journal and
statistics prove, you are feeding a decline in your marital satisfaction.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue Light";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>(3)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You are establishing a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">pattern</i>
for your thoughts and for what you share about your spouse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you do that long enough, you will find
yourself habitually driving in the rut you have established.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue Light";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>(4)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You are showing your spouse that all the good things he/she has done,
been involved with, or tried to do, the thing you choose to SHARE PUBLICLY
about him/her is some negative thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue Light";">As Sapolsky states in his article: </span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><i>Did people with the most positive automatic feelings about their spouses subsequently develop fewer problems in their marriages, or were they less sensitive to the usual number of problems? Subtle data analysis suggested the latter. </i>So the more POSITIVE you think, the less sensitive you will be when problems come, enabling you to get through them easier!</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue Light";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue Light";">Philippians
4.8 sums it up:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your
minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling,
gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to
praise, not things to curse.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue Light";">I
love Proverbs 18.21:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Words kill, words give life; they’re either
poison or fruit—you choose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>Change
your words by changing your heart and bring LIFE and GOOD when you speak!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue Light";">Challenge:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stop being so NEGATIVE.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let your words show you what is in your
heart, and set a watch over your mouth as you work on what you think
about!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>ONLY speak about good things and
see how different your week goes!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; border: none; cursor: pointer; display: none; height: 20px; line-height: 0; min-height: 20px; min-width: 40px; opacity: 0.85; position: absolute; width: 40px; z-index: 8675309;"></a><a href="http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; border: none; cursor: pointer; display: none; height: 20px; line-height: 0; min-height: 20px; min-width: 40px; opacity: 0.85; position: absolute; width: 40px; z-index: 8675309;"></a>Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-42050692448282796652014-07-08T07:03:00.003-04:002014-07-08T07:12:53.197-04:00Things That Really Matter<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="text-align: justify;">The way we look at activities, pursuits, and
others usually starts with the way we look at self. When you center your life
on temporary fleeting activities and pursuits, your priorities will have to
change to revolve around activities and pursuits that may not even be a
priority to you. You will find that you really aren’t able to consider others’
feelings or needs because yours are taking up too much time. You will become
hypercritical of others’ for their outward appearance, and you will rarely
notice or focus on the characteristics in the lives of others that transcend
the temporal test of beauty to be character qualities that matter for eternity.
For example, I used to tell my girls, “You show me a super-buff, dressed to the
T, suntanned, perfect-looking guy, and I’ll guarantee that’s one guy that doesn’t
have time for many things besides himself, the gym, and the tanning booth.”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="text-align: justify;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I was guilty of this at one time in my life too. I
was training for the marathon, and running was a passion for me. I even missed
an important baby shower because I was running. I let everything revolve around
my running schedule and made no accommodations for any one or any activity that
didn’t involve my training. I learned that even when something is a useful, it
has to be kept in its proper perspective. 1 Timothy 4:10 (<span style="font-size: 9.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt;">THE MESSAGE</span>),
“<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue Light"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Workouts in the gymnasium are useful, but a disciplined
life in God is far more so, making you fit both today and forever.”</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--EndFragment--></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">When you live out priorities that really matter in
your own life, however, you will naturally appreciate others for things that
really matter as well. When you find yourself concentrating on all the wrong activities,
start looking first at how you prioritize your own life. Don’t allow yourself
to live out of balance; concentrate on how much time you spend on your external
beauty and how much time you spend developing and demonstrating character and
your inner beauty by spending time in the Word of God, in church, ministry,
helping those less fortunate, and other such disciplines.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">When you develop inner beauty, character, virtue, and wisdom, you can stop grasping at the unattainable "fountain of youth" and focus on beauty that is incorruptible and unfading (1 Peter 3.3). You can smile at the future (Proverbs 31.25), because you know that, "beauty evaporates, but a woman who has the fear of the Lord should be praised" (Proverbs 31.30, God's Word). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">(From my upcoming book, <i>How to Build an Enduring Marriage, </i>to be published September 2014. See <a href="http://www.karenbudzinski.com/">www.karenbudzinski.com</a> for information on ordering and pre-ordering the book, companion workbook and teacher's guide!)</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-54702013754864040382014-05-19T07:39:00.000-04:002014-05-19T07:39:34.132-04:00Time for Gardening (Part 2 of 2)
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<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">B. Plant Seeds and Pull
Weeds!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> Start sowing seeds as
soon as you can! Plant GOOD things into
your life! The better the seeds you
plant into your life every day, the better the harvest that will continually be
coming up! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> Are you sowing seeds
that will inspire you to jump out of bed each morning and throw open the
windows, excited to see what’s growing from the seeds you planted? Or are you
closing the shades and covering your head because you don’t even WANT to know
what’s coming up from seeds you planted?
(I DON’T even WANT to see that person!!!!) What do you need to plant more of so you can
eagerly anticipate the harvest?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> The past few years
I’ve absolutely been INCREDULOUS of what Christians have allowed into their
lives. Compromise after compromise.
Then, when the HARVEST comes, the people that so openly violated God’s statutes
and principles are the first ones to feel confused, acting like GOD just dealt
them an unfair hand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> God’s Word says it
plainly: DON’T BE DECEIVED (KJV). </span><i><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">Don’t be misled: No one makes a fool
of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants
selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!— harvests a crop of weeds. All he’ll have to
show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting
God’s Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal
life. </span></i><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">(Gal. 6.7-8)</span><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> </span><i><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">If you grow a healthy tree, you’ll pick healthy fruit. If you grow
a diseased tree, you’ll pick worm-eaten fruit. The fruit tells you about the
tree. </span></i><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">(Matt 12.33)</span><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> You can tell what has
been planted by what is growing. You can
go by any field and know that if strawberry plants are everywhere, that’s what
was planted there. If corn is growing
you can be sure that corn was planted. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> Let’s take a minute to
think about what has been growing on in our own lives. Have we been “sowing” to the flesh, which
the Bible promises will reap “corruption,” or to the “Spirit,” which the Bible
promises will reap everlasting life? Are
there some things that the Holy Spirit has been putting it on your heart to do
that you just haven’t made the time to do?
Are there some things that you know the Holy Spirit has been putting on
your heart NOT to do, yet you still do them?
Do you “redeem” the time, and live with an eternal perspective? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> Just like in a regular
garden, good things will NOT grow by “accident.” Things worth keeping will not
just plant themselves when you’re not paying attention! For example, in order not to sin against God,
you must hide His Word in your heart! In
order to rightly divide the Word of truth, you must study. In order to find, you must seek. In order for the enemy to flee, you must
resist him. In order to discern the good
and acceptable and perfect will of God, you must not be conformed to this world
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind! In order to be exalted by the Lord, you must
humble yourself. These things must all
be DONE in order to achieve the stated result!
None of these promises of God fall from the sky: they are all stated to be EFFECTS of certain
actions! Do a verb study in the Bible
and see what seeds you need to be planting to get the harvest you desire! God’s love is unconditional; but many of His
blessings are EFFECTS of obedience to His statutes and principles. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> WEEDS are
different: they can “drift in” and even
take over by accident! In fact, left to
itself, a garden will become so FULL of weeds, that the life of the good plants
will be choked out! What has “drifted
in” and choked out your eternal perspective? If it looks destructive or even
not productive, weed it out! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> Also, remember that
with both weeds AND with good plants, what you harvest is always exponentially
larger than the seed originally put into the ground. Consider a tomato seed. It is incredibly small, yet one seed produces
a plant which produces many tomatoes FULL of seeds to produce more plants! Consider a dandelion. One seed produces a plant which produces many
more seeds to blow and carry to produce more plants! Be wise about what the seeds you plant
because you will have exponentially more to bless or curse your life with when
the sown seeds come to maturity! Hos 8.7
says, </span><i><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">Look at them! Planting wind-seeds, they’ll harvest
tornadoes</span></i><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">C. Many lives will be
impacted positively OR negatively by what is produced there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> Romans 14.7 tells us
that no one lives or dies unto themselves.
Many people are affected by the seeds you sow in your life and the
resulting harvest from them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> If your garden has
been allowed to populate with weeds, it is time to attend diligently to
it. Too many people have allowed
compromise and lack of conviction to set in, and without even realizing it,
their weedy garden has seeded and flown into others’ lives producing weeds
there also. In the book of Romans, Paul
says that he will do NOTHING that causes others to stumble. In Luke, we are told it is better for us to
be thrown into the sea with a huge weight around our necks than to cause
someone to stumble. When David committed
murder and adultery, the judgment of God fell on him specifically because he
had <i>given great occasion to the enemies
of the LORD to blaspheme. </i>(2 Sam
12.13-14) Our influence is a HUGE
responsibility. If your garden hasn’t
been blessing others abundantly, just start pulling those weeds immediately!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> God’s plan is for your
garden to yield so many good things that it overflows to everyone around
you. It is meant to yield far more than
you can enjoy alone! Remember when the girl
in the Bible was referred to as “a garden closed in…”? In Song 5.1, the picture is the Lord coming
back to her garden, finding abundance there, and inviting friends to partake of
the fruits there. As the Father sent
Jesus, He sends us (John 20.21). When we
do good to others, it is as if we are doing it for Him. He even desires that when He comforts you
through your trials you share the same comfort with others! (2 Cor 1.4) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> Is your garden one
where you willingly share what is produced for the benefit of those around
you? We are stewards of everything we
receive from the Lord; and He has entrusted us with various spiritual,
emotional, physical, financial and experiential provisions to share with
others. To whom much is given, much is required. Have you used all He has entrusted you with
to bless others? Whatever it is, even
if it’s just a lunch like the young boy gave to Jesus, dedicated to the Lord,
He will use what you give Him to bless many many people. (Handful of meal; cruse of oil – Elijah in 1
Kings 17.12-15; pour out – like the
woman who poured out her pot of oil and as she poured it filled vessels “not a
few!”)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">Challenge<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">I close
with what Paul says in 2 Cor 7.8-12 to the Corinthian church after his letter
convicted them:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">The letter upset you, but only for a
while. Now I’m glad—not that you were
upset, but that you were jarred into turning things around. You let the
distress bring you to God, not drive you from him. The result was all gain, no
loss. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> Distress that drives us to God does that. It
turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that
kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of
regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> And now, isn’t it wonderful all the ways in
which this distress has goaded you closer to God? You’re more alive, more
concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more
responsible. Looked at from any angle, you’ve come out of this with purity of
heart. And that is what I was hoping
for in the first place.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">This
incredible parallel was meant to inspire each of us to “lift the bar.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">Assess your
garden with the Lord, Plant Seeds, Pull Weeds!
Not only does the Lord wish to bless YOU, but allow others to be
incredibly blessed by the fruit of the seeds you plant in your life!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">I
will make you a great nation, I will bless you. I will make your name
great,and you will be a blessing</span></i><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">.</span><span style="font-family: Geneva;">
(Gen. 12:2)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">You’ve
gotten a reputation as a bad-news people, you people of Judah and Israel, but
I’m coming to save you. From now on, you’re the good-news people. Don’t be
afraid. Keep a firm grip on what I’m doing</span></i><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">. </span><span style="font-family: Geneva;"> (Zech. 8:13)</span><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-65001404192197965442014-05-18T08:07:00.000-04:002014-05-18T08:07:35.456-04:00Time for Gardening! (Part 1 of 2)
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">After
telling the parable of the sower, Jesus asked “<i>Are you listening to this? Really listening?”<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">Mark 4.33-34, reading
from the Message, it explains the use of teaching in parables:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">With many
stories like these, he presented his message to them, fitting the stories to
their experience and maturity. He was
never without a story when he spoke. When he was alone with his disciples, he
went over everything, sorting out the tangles, untying the knots.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">The Lord gave us several parallels in Scripture that relate to
gardens. In Song of Solomon 4.12, the
Shulamite woman is compared to a <i>garden
enclosed, a field shut up, a fountain stopped</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">In Song 8.13, the Lord is called <i>Thou that dwellest in the gardens. </i> In 4.16, 6.2 and 6.11, we see the Lord comes
into our gardens to see whether <i>the vine
flourishes </i>and the fruit grows, and to enjoy the fruit and flowers there.
In 5.1, we see the Lord’s higher purpose for our gardens is to produce enough
to provide for others, which is a delight to the Lord. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">So, roll up your sleeves, because we are going to do some
gardening!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">A. Assessing your garden.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> The problem with the
Shulamite woman is that the fountain was STOPPED in her garden, and the garden
was CLOSED. Let’s look at YOUR
garden. Do you find you are “closed off”
to visitors? Do you sometimes feel that
you have “nothing to offer” anyone? One
of the biggest tools of the enemy is to isolate you from others. One of the best ways to do that is to make
you feel like you have nothing to offer or that you just don’t have it together
enough to be a blessing to others.
God’s plan for you is totally different:
He’s made YOU to be His hand extended, to be a blessing to others, to be
involved in the lives of others!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> You and the Lord, take
inventory TODAY. Take some personal time
with the Lord, and take a real, hard look at what your life is producing for
Him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> In John 15 (1-2 and
5-6), Jesus said, </span><i><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">I am the Real Vine and my Father is
the Farmer. He cuts off every branch of
me that doesn’t bear grapes. And every branch that is grape-bearing he prunes
back so it will bear even more. </span></i><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> … <i>I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you’re joined with me and I
with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be
abundant. Separated, you can’t produce a thing. Anyone who separates from me is deadwood,
gathered up and thrown on the bonfire. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> Have you “separated” from the life in
Christ and your walk with Him, and you need to address some things right
away? If you’re already bearing fruit,
you still need to scrutinize your garden:
His plan is to PRUNE you back FURTHER so you can bear even more! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> In Luke 13.6-9, Jesus told His disciples
a story, <i>A man had an apple tree planted
in his front yard. He came to it expecting to find apples, but there weren’t
any. He said to his gardener, ‘What’s
going on here? For three years now I’ve come to this tree expecting apples and
not one apple have I found. Chop it down! Why waste good ground with it any
longer?’ <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> The gardener said, ‘Let’s give it another year.
I’ll dig around it and fertilize, and
maybe it will produce next year; if it doesn’t, then chop it down.</span></i><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> As you look at your life with the Lord in
your prayer time, is He exclaiming, “WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?! For (however long) I’ve come to this tree
expecting something to be growing, and I haven’t found ONE thing!” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> After your assessment, get to WORK. We’re DISCIPLES, and a good garden takes
discipline! </span><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">Spring is
a GREAT time for getting rid of dead leaves, turning hardened ground over, and
fertilizing the soil. Throw out the DEAD stuff that cluttering up your life. </span><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> Don’t look just at what’s “okay” to do or be
involved with, look at what is PRODUCTIVE!
In 1 Cor 6.12, the Bible says, <i>Just
because something is technically legal doesn’t mean that it’s spiritually
appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I’d
be a slave to my whims.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> </span></i><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">Are there
areas where your heart has been hardened and you need to dig into so that
something new can be planted? </span><span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> The Bible tells us <i>Sow righteousness, reap love. It’s time to till the ready earth, it’s time
to dig in with GOD, Until he arrives with righteousness ripe for harvest.</i> (Hos. 10.12)
Dig in with God and OVERTURN any wrong thoughts or attitudes that will
stop the right things from growing in your life! Pray Psalm 139.23-24: <i>Search
me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> Do you need to add
minerals or nutrients to the soil in your garden? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> 1. His presence.
Are you spending time with the Lord DAILY. In His presence is strength,
wisdom, and joy: things you need EVERY
DAY. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> 2. Prayer and Bible study. Do you need to devote more time for prayer or
study? He said when you study, you show
you’re approved, and you will be able to “rightly divide the Word of
truth.” I have seen many people with
sincere hearts following wrong doctrine because they don’t know the Word of
God! Be sure to study and know God’s
Word! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;"> 3. Fellowship with other believers. Have you been neglecting fellowship with
other believers? The Lord gave different gifts in the body so that “iron
sharpens iron.” He handed out gifts
operating in the Church, HIS BODY, so that we would be “mature.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Chalkboard;">(To be continued...)</span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-80534522626024469692014-04-27T08:35:00.000-04:002014-04-27T08:35:07.318-04:00The Power of Your Words
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You can walk by a well-kept garden, and tell EXACTLY which
seeds were planted by what is blooming there.
You can also tell the ugly weeds that just drifted in, which, if allowed
to grow long enough, will choke out the beauty of the well-kept garden. Yes, <b><i>words that we spoke yesterday make life what
it is today</i></b>!!! Mark 11.23 says
“He shall have those things that he sayeth.”
The things you say are words. In
face you could paraphrase it that you will possess the things you speak. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Words, words, words.
Researchers’ estimates of how many words we speak per day range from
50,000 to 2,500, with the average estimate being approximately 15,000 words per
day.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Bible tells us that in Matthew 12.36-37 tells us that we
will give account of every idle or useless word we speak, and that by our words
we shall be justified (shown innocent), or by our words we shall be condemned
(pronounced guilty). </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Words
kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose. (Proverbs 18.21 Message) Words can make or break us, heal us or make
us sick. They can break others to pieces
(Job 19.2). They have creative power
(Romans 4.17 - Abraham was first named
“father” and then <i>became</i> a father
because he dared to trust God to do what only God could do: raise the dead to
life, <b><i>with a word make something out of nothing</i></b>.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Words make an atmosphere. They bless or heal, they empower, they cut
down and curse. A soft word can turn
away wrath, and grievous words can agitate anger (Proverbs 15.1). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Words can be wood to a fire or
even a destroying fire (Proverbs 26.20, 16.27, James 3.5-6). Proverbs 18.21
says, <i>Words kill, words give life;
they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Choose your words carefully! You are building or tearing
down with them! <o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-63198802249331230742014-01-01T08:27:00.001-05:002014-01-01T08:27:43.748-05:00Love Covers All Transgressions...<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; text-align: justify;">God can use your marriage to teach you how to
love.</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; text-align: justify;"> </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; text-align: justify;">If you don’t run from the
challenges that marriage presents, your marriage will make you a more
unselfish, stronger, and wiser person.</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; text-align: justify;">
</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; text-align: justify;">Proverbs 9.10 tells us </span><i style="font-family: Cambria; text-align: justify;">Hatred
stirs up contentions, but love covers all transgressions </i><span style="font-family: Cambria; text-align: justify;">(Amp). This means
that when you are hateful (objectionable, abhorrent, obnoxious, unpalatable,
unpleasant, disagreeable, distasteful), strife and discord will invariably
follow.</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; text-align: justify;"> </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; text-align: justify;">Conversely, when you
choose to love (be devoted to, admire, be benevolent towards), it </span><i style="font-family: Cambria; text-align: justify;">covers</i><span style="font-family: Cambria; text-align: justify;">, or literally from the Hebrew
word </span><i style="font-family: Cambria; text-align: justify;">kacah, </i><span style="font-family: Cambria; text-align: justify;">fills up what is lacking
in others’ lives where they are falling short.</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; text-align: justify;"> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Interestingly
enough, I have been seeing this Scripture from another vantage point as
well: when we choose to love
instead of hate, we will wipe out sin in <i>our
own lives </i>as well. Not only
with the way we choose to feel towards our spouses, but literally with every
relationship we have. When you
truly love someone you will not sin by judging them, criticizing them, being
jealous or envious, looking down at them, holding them captive to perfectionism
or even to a standard you have for your own life but they don’t have for
theirs, and a <i>multitude</i> of other sins
that enter your heart when you are not loving. Choose love:
without ceasing, fervent, extended and stretched out <i>love</i>. As the Message Bible puts it in 1 Peter 4.8: <i>Most of all, love each other as if your life
depended on it. Love makes up for
practically anything.</i></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Trebuchet, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Trebuchet, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;">Challenge: Love, <i>truly </i><b style="font-style: italic;">love, </b>others. You will know you have God's love abiding in you when: (1) that love covers (fills up what is lacking in others' lives where they are falling short); and (2) that love stops you from sinning because you can't speak against, about or unkind words about those you truly <b>love.</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Trebuchet, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Trebuchet, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;">Everyone will know that you are my disciples because of your love for each other. John 13.35</span></div>
Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-49149516626952482772013-05-28T07:02:00.000-04:002014-01-01T09:25:48.553-05:00Reasons to Quit Being a Control Freak!!!<!--[if !mso]>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Regardless of the reasons or justification
for our wanting to change our husbands, when we analyze the reasons <i>not</i> to try to change them, it is easier
to see why we need to let these things go. Once we come to the understanding that we need to let go of
changing our husbands, we can then look at <i>how
</i>to identify and change even the nicest control freak habits we may fallen
into.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">1. Not
our role. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Goal: Knowing your place, staying there,
and enjoying it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> First
and foremost, it is not your <i>role</i> to
change your husband. When we got
married, there was nothing in any ceremony, license or understanding that we
were the judge, jury, or image consultants for our husbands. Most probably a good reason you won your husband’s heart is
because he felt you admired and respected him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> One
thing that really helps me know how to handle a lot of situations and realize
what I should be doing in particular situations is knowing my role. </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">What is your
role in your husband’s life? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Is
your role to change him? Do you
let him know he gets on your nerves or point out his faults? Do you recite things your father always
did to accentuate things he doesn’t do?
Do you leave articles laying around, or worse yet, read them to him
thinking he’ll catch on? Do you
drop hints or coax him to improve?
Do you try to make him feel guilty or play the martyr in front of
others?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> If
we are careful to operate within our <i>role</i>
or responsibility, not only are we set free from being “in charge” of who our
husband is, but we set our husbands free to learn, change and grow independent
of doing so in answer, obedience, or under our authority and demands. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> When
you are operating in the role of judge, jury or image consultant, it is
impossible to live the role as wife, lover, friend and soul mate at the same
time. Because you have taken on
one, you obscure the other. You
have to make a choice and pick one role and go with it. Men thrive on your admiration, and a
critic’s role by definition is not to admire but rather to express an
unfavorable opinion of something.
You can’t be looking for good and bad at the same time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Once
you start looking for things, you can creatively find things your husband is
amazing at. Some people believe
success, goodness, beauty, and talent are like pieces of a pie… if someone has those things it must be
taken from them in order to have it yourself. We know that God made all of us to be successful, good,
beautiful and talented, so we are <i>able </i>to
appreciate those things in someone else without feeling threatened by it. My children would get upset if someone
acted “cool” sometimes and would say <i>They
think they are so cool!</i> I
would reply, <i>They ARE cool – why <b>can’t</b> they be cool – I think that it is
pretty cool that [they have this or that or do this or that].</i> <b>Let
</b>or <b>allow</b> your husband to be <i>cool</i> or good at things and let him know
that you think that. Only good can
come as a result of it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> A
man’s temperament, personalities, and position as the leaders of our homes make
it difficult for them to take orders from women. We are going to learn more about that in a later
lesson. But here I want to
underscore that we underestimate our role as the second in command. Ralph Waldo Emerson said <i>Who
shall set a limit to the influence of a human being?</i> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> That
is why we set our husbands <i>free</i> from
answering to us, we set them <i>free</i> to
be the person they are, and we work on who we are. Many times that will <i>inspire</i>
our husbands, but even if it doesn’t we realize that we aren’t responsible for
his behavior, only for our own.
Marriage is <i>not</i> an excuse to
stop working on your behavior and character because you are working on your
husband’s!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> When
other people tried to conform me into their ideas of what <i>they </i>thought, I resisted, or at best if I changed my actions, it
was a burden to me. However, when
the <i>Lord </i>put something on my heart
that needed to change, it became a <i>freedom</i>
to me. It became apparent that
even if I could manipulate my husband to change his behaviors, it was a burden
to him and he often resented it.
By making my demands I was standing in the way of what God could impact
my husband to do. If I would just
get out of the way and leave the results to the Lord, many times I could be a
part of influencing my husband to change in a more positive way and in so doing
make him less resistant to change because it wasn’t in answer to my
demands. Because I chose to love
and respect my husband regardless of whether he changed some of his actions or
attitudes, he knew regardless of whether he changed or not I still loved and
admired him in other areas, leaving the responsibility between him and God.</span><br />
<img src="webkit-fake-url://D9B78A1E-BDDC-49A6-B157-77D60296A9FD/application.pdf" /><img src="webkit-fake-url://78C36C77-A6AD-46C1-A96F-D78048FD5D5E/application.pdf" /><img src="webkit-fake-url://0E261EDB-C624-4EEB-83B0-7AAFC89C7666/application.pdf" /><br />
<img src="webkit-fake-url://11133D0C-CEA4-4AA1-8EE2-4A914C13D7ED/application.pdf" /><img src="webkit-fake-url://A0385F85-170C-4E4D-ADF5-8A57DBDB7160/application.pdf" /><img src="webkit-fake-url://EE3EBFC0-7891-4285-A46F-7D39BE14A209/application.pdf" /><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After
you move out of the way, your husband has no excuse to hide behind and has to
answer for his behavior himself.
That’s the freedom of letting God deal it as God and staying in your
role and friend, lover, and soul mate.
The problem is that women have more resources, more encouragement, more
support, more emotions and see things much deeper than most men. However, before women are even <i>close</i> to living up to their potential
with all these advantages, they are more worried about changing their husbands
than they are with changing the way that they are! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> I
love the way the Message Bible states this problem:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Matthew
7.1-5 - </span><i><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Don’t pick on people, jump on their
failures, criticize their faults—
unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a
way of boomeranging. It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be
oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, ‘Let me
wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt? It’s this
whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou
part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face,
and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.</span></i><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Just
think of where you will be if all that energy you spend on manipulating and
changing your <i>husband</i> is redirected
at being the best <i>you</i> can be as a
wife! You will not only learn
unconditional love and grow in every character definition of the fruit of the
Spirit of love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
meekness, and temperance,</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> It
should be a huge <i>relief</i> for you to
relinquish the job of changing your husband. “</span><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">You're supposed to be the
leading lady of your own life,…” was an epiphany to Iris in the movie <i>The Holiday</i>. You <i>are </i>the
leading lady and what are you doing to live the life you wanted to? <i>Your
</i>part. Not your husband’s role,
but your role: your lines and what
you say, where you go, and what you do.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Now
that you know what your role is as wife, if you find yourself operating outside
of that role, refuse to. Starve
that behavior. Make choices to
move away from those actions. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">2. Throws
Water on His Love for You<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Goal: To
Keep Putting Firewood to Keep Love Fires Burning and <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Avoid
Extinguishing Love<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Just
like a fire needs to be fed, so does your relationship. If you think you are staying the same,
you are probably heading backwards.
There are many things that can contribute to extinguishing love. Unfortunately, men tend to take more
than women without saying anything.
They may retreat into a shell, stop trying to impress their wives, lose
the delight to discuss situations with her feeling she is too critical and
doesn’t see the best in him, or turn his attention to other things that will
distract him from thinking about your relationship, such as hanging out with
his friends more, watching an overabundance of television or working as often
as he can. Sadly, many men will
suffer through a lot of things without saying anything and then one day they
are DONE. They get up and they
walk away, and many wives have come to be shocked and surprised that “one day”
their husband had just “had enough.”
He was done. The problem
is, though, that this didn’t start any time in the recent past: it has been building and building and
building without resolution.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Let’s face it:
your husband would <i>never</i> be
romantically interested in his mother.
The moment you take on a mother role with your husband, you are throwing
water all over the fires of romantic love and you can be sure those feelings
will be doused in a hurry if he looks at you more as a mother image than his
lover, friend, and wife.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> At
the website <i>affaircare.com</i>, there are
several things that extinguish love listed. As you read through this list, mark off or check the ones
you feel you need to stop throwing on the romantic fires in your relationship:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> *Emotional
Neglect<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Scorekeepers<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Fault
finders<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -My
way or the highway (controlling)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Bottomless
pit (enough is never enough)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> *Spiritual
Neglect<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Will
not forgive <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Lack
of personal transparency<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Smoke
and mirrors (deception)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Disrespectful
judgments<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> *Physical
Neglect<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -No
tender touch<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Withholding
sexual fulfillment<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Abandoning
physical attractiveness<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> *Financial
Neglect<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Ongoing
unemployment that isn’t part of a mutual understanding<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Unwilling/Unable
to live by a budget<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Hidden
debt<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Hidden
spending or overspending<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -IRS
or legal financial trouble (judgments, liens, etc.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> *Family
Neglect<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Refusing
to leave and cleave<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Not
making time for personal adult time (including recreation)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Not
making time for each child individually (child rearing)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Inequitable
distribution of household chores<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Getting
too comfortable; giving up<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> *Social
Neglect<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Irritating
habits (discourteous)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Independent
behavior<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Not
sharing activities or free time together<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -The
silent treatment or not listening actively<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> *Security
Neglect<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Angry
explosions<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Attack
dog (verbal/emotional abuse)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Passive
warmonger (passive-aggressive)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Physical
abuse<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Not
being a safe haven<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Now
as we look at some of the things listed for <i>kindling</i>
love see where you are adding kindling wood to your relationship:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> *Emotional
commitment<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Loved: Do you make sure your spouse feels a
loving emotional </span>connection and <br />
commitment from you?<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span>-Valued: Does your spouse believe he is valued
by you?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Respected: Does your spouse believe you respect
him?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Trusted: Does your spouse trust you and see you
as trustworthy? Do<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span>you trust him and see him as trustworthy?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Accepted: Does your spouse know you accept him
for the person he </span><br />
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span>is? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Appreciated: Do you express appreciation for your
spouse and the </span><br />
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span>things he does? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Affection: Do you express affection for your
spouse in words and </span><br />
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span>actions? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Admiration: Do you admire your spouse and say so
out loud?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Understood: Does your spouse know you understand
him?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Forgiveness: When your spouse does something wrong,
do you </span><br />
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span>forgive him and not bring it up later in an argument? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> *Spiritual
Values<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Are
your spouse’s spiritual values supported by you?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Do
you and your spouse have a shared spiritual life?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Do
you respect your spouse’s beliefs?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Do
you have spiritual transparency about your spiritual beliefs?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> *Physical
Commitment<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Touch: Do you regularly touch your spouse?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Kissed: Do you kiss regularly?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Hugged: Do you hug regularly?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Tenderness: Do you regularly cuddle and hold hands?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Are
you sexually active with your spouse?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Are
you physically attracted to your spouse (their hair, body, </span><br />
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span>grooming, clothing)? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> *Financial
Commitment<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Is
your spouse able to provide for family and children?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Does
your spouse actively participate in providing for family and </span><br />
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span>children? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Are
you able to pay monthly bills without going into debt?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Can
you live a lifestyle that’s mutually acceptable to both you and <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> your
spouse?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Does
your spouse contribute to family income? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Does
your spouse contribute to paying off family debt?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Are
you able to plan for future financial stability?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Are
you able to plan for future needs such as kids’ college?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Can
your spouse live by a budget?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> *Family
Commitment<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Does
your spouse make time for adult time alone with you?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Does
your spouse make time for the children individually?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Do
you ask your spouse for help with household chores in a </span><br />
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span>reasonable way? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Do
you enlist your spouse’s with raising your children?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Does
your spouse say ‘yes’ more than ‘no’ whenever possible?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Do
you offer your spouse a “day off” now and then?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> *Social
Commitment<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Do
you include your spouse in your social activities?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Do
you support and encourage your spouse in social situations?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Do
you share fun and enjoyable activities together?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Do
you share joy and laughter?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -When
others are around, is it obvious you are a couple in love?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Do
you like to spend your free time with your husband?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Do
you offer your husband free time at home?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Are
you a companion to your spouse?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Do
you listen well to your spouse and express both interest and </span><br />
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span>caring? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> *Security
Commitment<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Do
you support your spouse in times of crises?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Do
you turn to your spouse in time of crises?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Do
you stand by your spouse?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Are
you loyal and committed to your spouse and your marriage?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Do
you present a united front with your spouse (against relatives<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> or
the children)? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Is
your relationship secure and not “in the balance” over a fight?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Are
you there for your spouse when you feel he needs you?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> -Are
you a “soft place to fall,” a safe haven, for your spouse? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> It
should be your goal to be sure you are not constantly dousing love and instead
kindling it. Your actions every
day are bringing you closer to total extinguishment or total acceptance and
love. To me this is not
complicated: it involves your <i>choices</i> moment by moment. You <i>choose</i>
which way you will act and respond.
Again, you are responsible for <i>your</i>
actions and not your husband’s.
When you purpose to work on yourself to love someone the way you
committed to, good things are bound to follow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">3. When
you are constantly trying to change your husband you appear self <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> righteous
and proud, and self righteousness and pride are worse problems<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> than
many of the things you pick on about your husband.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Goal: To
be humble and give him the freedom to grow. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 19.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">In What Women Should Know About the Male Ego, by Lance Morton, we are
reminded: <i>Women judge men by their potential and in a very real sense view them
as a home-improvement project. Women often express their love for a man by
helping him to be a better person. In all honesty, most men don’t want to be a
better person, men just want total acceptance. When a man chooses to change, it
is usually in association with the fulfillment of his dreams. He is not highly
motivated to long term change in order to become what a woman perceives to be a
better person, especially if her idea of a better person is isolated and
disconnected from his perceived mission in life. A woman’s effort to improve a
man feels like a shot to his self-esteem and it is hurtful. <u>When a woman constantly
attempts to encourage a man to continue to improve, the man will often conclude
that there is nothing he can to do to please her</u>. At the point of that
realization, the man usually chooses to devalue the woman’s opinion until it
doesn’t matter. Paradoxically, however, men need and want the approval of a
woman. Thus, a man who has discounted the value of the opinion of one woman
will usually begin to look for another woman who sees him in a more favorable
light. Herein lays the root cause of most broken relationships.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 19.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<i><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">When a woman understands that a man
needs to be pursuing his dream, that he is not particularly in touch with
feelings, and that he longs for acceptance and approval, she can begin to use
this knowledge to help her to align her needs and his goals in a harmonious
manner. Woman should understand that the man’s dream is his essence and that
she will not be able create a successful relationship with a man whose dream
she does not support. She must look for ways to align her needs with his purpose
by speaking the literal language of achievement and by not over-dwelling in the
world of feelings. While men can certainly learn to understand and validate the
feelings of a woman, if her intent is to motivate change, the use of the
language of feelings will not advance her goal. Women should realize that a
man’s evolvement will never be graphed as a steadily rising line, she must
allow for plateaus of acceptance. There should be periods of time when the man
feels that he has successfully climbed the cliff of improvement and reached a
plateau of the safety and total acceptance.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Give your husband the same freedom that God Himself gave him: his free will. Accept him for who he is, knowing he is
part virtue and part fault. Look
to the good things he is rather than the things he lacks. Admire your husband, and
put him first in your life. When
you give him this personal freedom, his mind will function without barriers and
he will be receptive to new ideas, even yours, and encouraged to be his better
self. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">William Shakespeare said </span><i><span style="color: #363233; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">A
friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been,
accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow. </span></i><span style="color: #363233; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Accept your husband where
he is and allow him the change to grow.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #363233; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">A man expects his wife to be the one secure haven where he
can relax, be himself, and feel secure.
The realization you are dissatisfied with him threatens his feeling of
security, just as you would feel insecure if you felt he didn’t love you for
who you are. This destroys any
hope and incentive to strive to be better anyways. Because of the resentments, angry feelings, conflict,
arguments, frustrations, discord and threats to your man’s security, is trying
to change him really worth it?
Does what you hope to accomplish in improving him really compensate for
the discord in your <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #363233; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">home and the damage to your relationship? Which is more important to you, your
children and your husband? Isn’t
love and harmony in marriage of greater value? (taken from FW)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">You need to concentrate on your own growth so
you can avoid the sin of pride, which constantly tempts us to focus on changing
our spouses while neglecting our own weaknesses. <i>Sacred Influence </i>states
that it is not wrong to desire more from your husband, and you may enjoy your
marriage more if your husband would drop some bad habits. But if you are seeking to change your
husband you neglect to grow yourself.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">God can use your marriage to teach you how to
love. When we face spiritual and
relational trials with the same effect, God can use your marriage to make you a
stronger, wiser and more complete woman – provided you don’t run from the
challenges that being married to your husband represents.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #363233; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">When your husband receives a steady diet of praise and
true appreciation, it can motivate him to overcome his weaknesses and become a
better man. Appreciation can
inspire a man, child, or any individual grow to a higher potential. I knew this from the way my mom raised
me and lived it out while raising my children. I refused to have any other kind of love than the kind in 1
Corinthians 13.7 that <i>bears all things,
believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.</i> I chose to believe the best about my
children, despite any minor lapses they were going through. I told them, “I know you will make the
right choice,” many times and prayed that they did. Even if they didn’t, they were able to see the results of
the wrong choices and see for themselves the reasons our family chose to do a
lot of things differently than other people did. That way, as my children grew into adulthood they knew that
they had people that believed the best in them, which I saw lift them to
another level. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #363233; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">One of the things I appreciate about my husband is that he
never tries to change me. There
has <i>never</i> been a time in our lives
together where I have felt unloved.
I am a more emotional girl, and I have had to <i>work</i> at making sure that <i>he</i>
never feels less than totally loved and accepted. Because emotions tend to sink to the lowest place, </span><span style="color: #363233; font-family: Cambria;">this involves taking responsibility, accountability, and
having maturity over the words I blurt out.</span><span style="color: #363233; font-family: Cambria;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #363233; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">There is a song I particularly like, called <i>Who Will Love Me For Me </i>by JJ Heller:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #363233; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">He cries in the corner where nobody sees <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> He's
the kid with the story no one would believe<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> He
prays every night, </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Kaiti SC Black"; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">“</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Dear God won't you please <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Could
you send someone here who will love me?</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Kaiti SC Black"; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">”</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Who
will love me for me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Not
for what I have done or what I will become<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Who
will love me for me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> 'Cause
nobody has shown me what love<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> What
love really means<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Her
office is shrinking a little each day<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> She's
the woman whose husband has run away<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> She'll
go to the gym after working today<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Maybe
if she was thinner <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Then
he would've stayed<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> And
she says</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Kaiti SC Black"; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">…</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Who
will love me for me? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Not
for what I have done or what I will become<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Who
will love me for me?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> 'Cause
nobody has shown me what love, what love really means<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> He's
waiting to die as he sits all alone<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> He's
a man in a cell who regrets what he's done<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> He
utters a cry from the depths of his soul<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Kaiti SC Black"; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> “</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Kaiti SC Black"; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">”</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Then
he heard a voice somewhere deep inside<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> And
it said <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Kaiti SC Black"; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I know you've murdered and I know you've lied<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> I
have watched you suffer all of your life <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> And
now that you'll listen, I'll tell you that I...</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Kaiti SC Black"; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">”</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> I
will love you for you<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Not
for what you have done or what you will become<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> I
will love you for you<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> I
will give you the love <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> The
love that you never knew<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">To love your
husband, for who he is, in spite of his shortcomings, is an attribute of God
Himself. Beauty is truly in the
eyes of the beholder, and if you can learn to love, really love, it is the
strongest force there is. The
beauty is that if you walk with the Lord, when you run <i>out</i> of love, <i>He </i>will love
<i>through you</i> if you just get out of
the way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Most human
dysfunctions stem from a lack of love.
When someone <i>really loves</i> you
it <i>inspires</i> you to want to be better
for them. I want to love my
husband more unconditionally because of the way he loves me, not because of the
way he picks at me. Romans
5.8 tells us that <i>while we were yet
sinners, </i>Christ died for us.
Can we show your spouses that <i>while
they are yet unperfect</i> we can die to our selfishness and our agendas to
just love them? Joyce Meyers wrote
a book called the <i>Love Revolution, </i>which
reminds us that for our love to be revolutionary, we need to <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">practice love
every day, until the culture of selfishness gives way to a new culture of
concern for others. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">You you <i>really</i> think you are a better person than your husband is? You need to humbly see your own
weaknesses so you can accept his. </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">When you
demand that someone change for your sake, you are literally trying to bend the
world around your comfort, your needs, and your happiness. That’s pride, arrogance, and self
centeredness – and God will never bless <i>that. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Free Agency is
one of the most fundamental laws of life.
Mankind does not develop or experience happiness without it. God was fully aware of this principle
when He created man and placed him on the earth. He allowed the forces of evil to be present to tempt him and
to try him. And He knew from the
beginning that many of the precious souls of men would fall into sin and reap
the bitterness which comes from disobedience. But He also knew that without freedom, mankind could not
grow and develop. Man has to be
given a choice and make that choice himself. If God could risk man’s future happiness in order to extend
to him his precious freedom, a woman should allow her husband this same
privilege. Let him do what he
wants to do, and be what he wants to be without interference. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">A man is
particularly in need of <i>religious freedom</i>,
as all mankind has always been.
Wars have been fought over it; men have fought valiantly and died for
it; the Pilgrims left Europe because of it; America was founded on this
principle. It is still as
important to each of us today; it is out God-given right. A man has a right to his personal
feelings about religion. When his
wife extends this freedom to him, rewards follow. His mind is more open.
He is more apt to consider another viewpoint. (Taken from <i>FW.</i>)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Steven Stosny
wrote a book on <i>Freedom to Love, </i>asking
<i>When did ‘I love you’ degenerate into
‘Meet my needs!’ </i>He
states: <i>To be free to do something, you must be free not to do it. We are free to love only </i></span><i><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">to the extent that we aren't forced into it by
guilt, </span></i><a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/embarrassment"><i><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">shame</span></i></a><i><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">, </span></i><a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/fear"><i><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">fear</span></i></a><i><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> of abandonment, or, worst of all, the
interpretation of vulnerable </span></i><i><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">feelings as emotional needs. No matter
how seductive "I need you," may sound in popular songs, the partner
who needs you cannot freely love you.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<i><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">If someone needs you, he or she is more
likely to abuse you than to give freely of love and support. Most painful
conflicts in committed relationships begin with one partner making an emotional
request - motivated by a perceived "need" - that the other, motivated
by a different "need," regards as a demand. Any disagreement can feel
like abuse when the perceived "need" of one party to be "validated"
crashes headlong into the "need" of the other not to be manipulated.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<i><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">"If you loved me, you'd do what I
want (or see the world the way I do)," one argues.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<i><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">"If you loved me, you wouldn't try
to control me," the other counters.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The problem is not in the language the
couples use or even the content of their arguments, which is why communication
and problem-solving techniques rarely help over time. As long as they perceive
themselves to have emotional needs that their partners must gratify, their
desire to love is reduced to "Getting my needs met," which the
partner often perceives as, "You have to give up who you are to meet my
needs."<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Ultimately, the freedom to love is a
core value issue. Which is more important to you, getting your perceived needs
met or loving freely? Which gives you the better chance of being loved freely
in return?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Stosny’s
observations explore the differences between “toddler” love, driving by
perceived needs, and “adult” love, driven by desire and values. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I love
how in the movie <i>What About Bob, </i>he
walks around grasping saying “I need! I need! I need!” It is a good catch phrase: if I hear
myself sounding “needy” I break into the Bill Murray “I need! I need! I need!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Once
you stop expecting your husband to be perfect, and once you give your needs to
the Lord, you can learn to love your husband for who he is, and set him free to
grow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 19.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<img src="webkit-fake-url://87861890-65ED-4A48-9154-1FD2B41F8C2C/application.pdf" /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">4. It
doesn’t work.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 19.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Goal: To
give it up.</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 19.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The number one reason you shouldn’t try to change your husband is
that it doesn’t work. It causes
your husband to retreat into a shell, creates discord, cools romance, and often
causes your husband to want to stay away from you. When you become a magnifying mirror of your husband’s
faults, he will not want to stay around you for long. How long can <i>you</i>
stay in front of that magnifying mirror that makes your pores look like they
are to the 100<sup>th</sup> power?!
<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 19.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> When
my toilet overflowed and I couldn’t plunge it, I knew I couldn’t use it: it didn’t work. I left the plunger in the toilet
because I didn’t want anyone thinking it was operative! Why bother trying to use it when it
didn’t work? In the same way, <i>knowing</i> that trying to change your
husband doesn’t work but does the opposite, <i>give
it up</i>! When you <i>put the squeeze</i> on your husband, you squeeze the life right out of
him!<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 19.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<i><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Remember, to
awaken a man’s love, make him feel like a man. (Fascinating Womanhood [“FW”]) </span></i>If you can’t find things to admire and appreciate in your husband
right now, have faith in his potential, which is a very real part of a
person. Remember things he has
done in the past. Think about him,
about how he deals with others, about his character. Observe him, and listen to the things he talks about. Be sincere and specific, and
communicate to him some of the things you appreciate about him. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Also, look at some of his faults and determine if they are a negative
expression of a strength. For example,
maybe your husband is obsessive or demanding, but that is just a negative
exhibition of his being a hard worker and a pursuer of excellence. It has been said that your strength can
often be your weakness. Maybe the
things you are seeing are through a critical eye; if you looked beneath the
surface you could see the driving force behind the outward behavior and try to
inspire the positive demonstration of that strength to life. This principle applies to raising
children too: your strength is
often shown in your weaknesses that need to be turned around.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> For example, I had a strong willed child who had temper tantrums all
the time. The problem was <i>not</i> her strong will, which was later
important in her life to swim against the tide of popular opinion to make right
choices. The problem was in the
demonstration of the strength through temper tantrums. Tweaked and turned around, her strong
will became her greatest asset in high school.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Request to a
Wife<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Dear wife, I
need adoring looks,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The kind I read
about in books.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I want esteem, I
want affection.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Please, darling,
beam in my direction.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Don’t, dearest,
frown and squint your eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Don’t cut me
down to proper size.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Oh, do not fear
and do not doubt me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I want to hear
the good about me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">So, if you’d be
in married clover,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Make over me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Don’t make me
over.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Richard Armour<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Michael Card has a song that says: <i>Can we go on and show
the world what it badly needs to know:
That a human soul can love another human soul.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Remember, it is <i>not</i> always
about <i>you.</i> You are <i>not </i>the
sun and every one else the planets.
The world shouldn’t revolve around you. Putting some of these habits of not changing your husband
will help to remind you of that, and you will end up liking <i>yourself</i> more regardless of any changes that
happen in your relationships!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-75482300981526181262013-05-04T07:28:00.003-04:002013-05-04T07:29:24.425-04:00Today Is a New Sheet of Paper --<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">To My Precious Child from
Your Heavenly Father:<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> Attached
is a new sheet of paper. It has
never been written on. I have a
special assignment for you today:<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> -Please
write anything you want on this paper.
This paper is how you want to live today. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> -Make
sure you start with a blank paper.
That means leaving any unforgiveness, bad attitudes towards others,
bitterness or anger out of it.
Give all others a fresh start in your heart, and write with an
appreciation for others, knowing that I do the same for you today.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> -You
can write something you learned from other papers in your past that you don't
want to forget today, but you cannot re-write your past. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> -You
can write something you hope for in your future that you want to remember
today, but right now, you cannot write your future: you can only write your
"today".<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> -Write
with reckless abandon – I want you to throw yourself into this day and live
100% in it - don't hold back.
<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> -I
want you to write without fear.
Know that I am with you today to walk with you. Look at the Bible and the accounts of
all those who have gone before you.
Trust Me.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> -I
want you to write with Me in mind.
You know the plans I have for you.
You know what I have told you is good for you and what is not. Just as you don't have to call your
parents to make every little decision because you know what they would say,
don't think you have to ask Me for every little decision. You know which relationships I will
bless and which I will not; you know what things I will bless and which I
won't.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> -I
want you to soak up the gifts I've given you today. The people, the places, the events. I want you to be the most amazing
culmination of YOU there can be today. Be a wise steward over the things I've
put into your life today, and make a difference in the lives of others, at the
places you go and at the events you attend today. Once today is gone, some of the people, places and events
may never be there again. But know
that I will never change. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> -Write
your own paper. No copying. No cheating. No asking someone else to write for you. No blaming someone else for what is
written on your paper. Only you
can write your today and take responsibility for your today.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> -Write
with courage. It takes courage to
face new challenges, climb new mountains, face new difficulties. Do all you can and leave the results to
Me.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> -This
day is only a day quickly passed and gone. Give ALL. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> -And
when tomorrow comes, I will give you a new paper to do the assignment again.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> Love,
Your Heavenly Father<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-75777467152597409872013-04-10T08:16:00.000-04:002013-04-10T08:20:51.769-04:00What is Important to Men?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p> </o:p>First,
let’s look at a few excerpts written by men about what THEY expect in a wife:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She
must be beautiful, … not necessarily on the outside. She must be able to find
the beauty in simple things. She must be able to find humor in the absurd. She
must have a desire to care for me, and to let me care for her. She must know
what forever means. She would be able to argue with me passionately and still
respect my opinion. She must be kind. She must be honest and must be able to
trust. She must want to look into my eyes at the end of our days and say 'We
have done good things.'<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4491043500792948778" name="Men"></a>A …“good wife” is someone who respects “all” people whether they
are a Senator or a waiter in a restaurant. I also believe a “good wife” is
someone who understands the value of a family and therefore family at all costs
must come first when decisions are made. A good wife is someone who maintains
peace and order within the household, looks after the bills, education of the
kids, the nutrition and social entertainment of the family. Also a “good wife”
is someone who is willing to speak out when/if there is something wrong (for
example if the husband is doing something wrong). A good wife is also someone
who accepts aging and so when she is 45 I don’t expect her to need to purchase
a new hot red convertible and pretend she is a teenager. A “good wife” is also
someone who doesn’t put pressure on herself, husband or the kids if the
situation does not call for it (for example tells me to take out $2000 a month
mortgage when I know we’d be better off with $1000 monthly mortgage, or tells
the kids they must get all straight “A’s” in order to go to Disney World. A
“good wife” is someone who loves/likes to work things in-house before telling
the Sis, the momma, the “friend” the grandma and whoever else. That’s my idea of a “good wife.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When
men FIND a good wife, they are <i>devoted. </i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Consider
the most grand monument of unparalleled beauty built in the history of human
civilization: the Taj Mahal, one
of the seven wonders of the world, and the most memorable symbol of love in the
world was built in honor of his third wife, Mumtaz Mahal. The most beautiful building in the
universe took Shahjahan 22 years and most of his royal treasury to build. She
was married at the age of 14 years old, she bore him 14 children, and she
remained an inseparable companion of her husband till her death. She died while accompanying her
husband in Behrampur in a campaign to crush a rebellion, after giving birth to
their 14th child. Her death so crushed the emperor that all his hair and beard
were said to have grown snow white in a few months. For
the love and affection she showed to her husband, Mumtaz Mahal received highest
honor of the land - the royal seal.
According to the legends, stories of her virtue spread all over the
Mughal Empire. The
Taj has a life of its own that leaps out of marble, provided you understand
that it is a monument of love: it
actually changes colors to depict the different moods of women. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mumtaz
was quite a woman to bear FOURTEEN kids, truck around with her husband
everywhere – even accompanying him to “crush a rebellion,” and STILL be such an
awesome companion and partner her husband created a WONDER OF THE WORLD for
her!!! Doesn’t that INSPIRE YOU
that YOU can be wonderful to YOUR husband too – I want my husband to feel that
way towards me!!!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Listen to these notes written by
men to their wives:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The Star in the East was a
miracle as was the Virgin Birth. I
have no trouble believing in those miracles because a miracle happened to me
and it’s still happening. Into my
life came one tiny dear and a light shone round about. The light still shines and will as long
as I have you. Please be very
careful when you cross the street.
Don’t climb on any ladders.
Wear your rubbers when it rains.
I love my light and don’t want to be ever in the dark again. I love you – Merry Christmas – Your
ranch hand.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I guess when I was young I
thought marriage might be this way for a while: I never knew it could go on and on, getting better and
better year after year.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“This is really just an ‘in
between’ day. It is a day on which
I love you 365 days more than I did a year ago, and 365 less than I will a year
from now. But I wonder how I lived
at all for all the 365’s before I met you. All my love, Your Husband.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What does a wife do to elicit
these responses from her husband?
Let’s look at what EVERY woman who desires the heart of her husband
needs to know.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>What does he see in YOU? Goal: Virtuous Wife<o:p></o:p></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A virtuous woman contributes to
something outside herself and her circle of family and friends. I think it is important for women to be
involved in something that contributes to building our society in some
way. Whether it’s
volunteering at a hospital, or at a cancer support group or nursing home,
whether it’s being in charge of the Brownie troop or some other non-profit
organization, it is important that we take the time to give back something to
the society of which we are a part.
When you take the time to be involved in helping others less fortunate
than yourself, many things come about as a result:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
*Your kids see that it is
important to take time for others, even while you’re still trying to “get it
together” yourself.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
*Your family is aware of those
less fortunate and less apt to complain about petty things.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
*Your family will have an enhanced
appreciation of the “gift” of the “present.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
A
virtuous woman exhibits VIRTUE. WHAT are some virtues?: prudence, temperance,
courage, justice; love, hope, faith, humility, kindness, abstinence, chastity,
patience, liberality, diligence, faith, hope, charity, fortitude, justice. How are these virtues demonstrated in
your daily life? These
virtues usually shine the brightest when tested… Every person has at least one “gift” – one area where they
are strong in. Take your gift and
use it to make your home a better place!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
A
virtuous woman can be <i>trusted. </i>Can your husband <i>trust</i> you? Can he trust that you will do him good and not evil all the
days of your life? That is the
reference to the “virtuous woman” in Proverbs 31. It says there that the virtuous woman’s husband <i>safely trusts in her, so that he needs
nothing.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He needs NOTHING! This woman can be COUNTED ON! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A virtuous woman is a <i>hard worker;</i> she is not lazy! She takes care of herself. She learns about things she needs to
know about: mending, cooking,
baking, and homemaking, but also computers, business deals, nutrition, and
other things that are of value to her home. She gets up early and often stays up late. The virtuous woman, with her virtues,
has really got it together! And
when she <i>doesn’t </i>she’s <u>working</u>
<i>towards </i>getting it together!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A virtuous woman is a woman her
husband can be proud of. When your
husband talks about you to others, or others talk to him about you, what are
they saying about you? Is your
husband proud to tell his friends and associates about the things you are doing
and the things you are involved in?
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>Lightening the load Goal: Joyful Wife<o:p></o:p></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A joyful wife takes responsibility
for how she looks at things. My
sister has a sign hanging in front of the mirror in her bathroom saying, <i>You are looking at the person responsible
for your happiness. </i><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4491043500792948778" name="Joyful"></a> We’re not talking about the kind of “happy” fleeting feeling
a child has with a new toy – a “happy” feeling that quickly fades. We are talking about an overriding sense
of JOY from being the person you were created to be: a <i>good </i>person,
doing what you were created to do:
<i>good </i>things, thinking what you
were made to think: <i>good</i> things, and talking <i>good.
</i> Not retaliating and
being a <i>responder</i> to others’ problems
or actions, but being response-able for your actions: actions that don’t change because you don’t change.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A joyful wife looks at the world
with character. You will tend to
look at your world from the glasses you choose to wear. I had a pair of pink colored glasses on
my counter for quite some time to teach my kids to look at their world “through
rose-colored glasses” on purpose.
And what glasses do you look at your world through? Usually the glasses you are looking at
the world through are colored with the STRONGEST character trait you have. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For example, if you are loyal and
trustworthy, you will look at other people that way. If you have a negative, complaining spirit, when you leave a
party, you will be looking at the party negatively. If you have a grateful spirit, like the women I helped when
I volunteered at Gilda’s Club, you will be looking at every day to find things
to be grateful for. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That explains why several people
can live in the same household, and later, when talking about it, they will all
see it through the “glasses” they have on. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A joyful wife is looking for the
good in life. To illustrate this
fact, I brought a beautiful bunch of irises to my daughter’s classroom. I called half the class up to find the good
things about the irises, and they began to detail them. I called the other half of the class up
to find the things that were wrong with the irises, and that half began to
detail all the wrong things (bent stem wilted petal, etc.) Did the irises change? No, but each half of the class found
what they were looking for.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What are YOU looking for when you
get going with your day? You will
see people, circumstances and situations from the glasses you put on each
morning. That is why I find it is
of utmost importance for me, and for my teens now, to begin each day by reading
the Bible and concentrating on good things.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Did you ever walk along and not
notice the little glittery pieces in certain parts of sidewalks? If you look carefully, and on purpose,
you can spot little “diamonds in the dust.” But if you are rushing along, you will not see the little
glittery pieces sprayed amongst the gray.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stop to call attention to the
leaves swirling in circles; to snow covered evergreens, to a flock of geese
overhead. Teach your children to
find the best in each day! Make it a point to appreciate the good parts of each
day, and of each person in your life. Again, it needs to be a concentrated
effort! Put those
rose-colored glasses on! Retrain
your vision!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>Sowing into the harvest Goal: Wise Wife<o:p></o:p></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A wise woman has goals, works
towards them, and considers the long-term ramifications of her actions as they
relate to those goals. Don’t get
“lost in the minute” without any perspective of how your actions today affect
your long-term goals. I had a
goal: I was determined to “live
happily ever after” with my husband.
At times, I was convinced that I would be “living happily ever after” by
myself in my own imagination. What
is <i>your</i> goal for <i>your</i> marriage? “If you
aim at nothing, you will hit it every time.” Write it down:
“I am going to celebrate my 50<sup>th</sup> wedding anniversary with the
person I love the most,” – post it and live your life to accomplish it! THAT’s wisdom!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A wise woman seeks counsel. I have always taught my kids that if
they don’t understand something in school, to seek help <i>before</i> they get so far behind they will never catch up. Bridges are built before storms make
the waters rise. It is wise to
seek counsel from someone who is succeeding at what you want to do (in other
words DON’T seek counsel from a miserable 4x divorced person who is thinking of
leaving her husband!). Go to a
marriage seminar, read a good book, - give some time and focus to making your
marriage awesome before it goes unattended for too long! If you are having problems, seek out
help right away!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A wise woman realizes that every
little action and every little word is contributing to the future success or
demises of her marriage. She LIVES
out the things she knows to do without excuses. It’s like each day you are given a packet of seeds to sow,
and as you go through your day you are throwing your seeds everywhere in your
field. You can be sure that those
seeds will produce something in your future! The little seeds that seem so inconsequential are capable of
producing exponentially an incredible harvest. Consider a seed for a tomato plant: not only does it produce the tomato
plant, but THEN each tomato produces HUNDREDS of more seeds, so the capacity
for each seed you sow should NOT be underestimated!!! Considering the things in your life that you have control
over, usually the life you are living today is as a result of the seeds you
have sown in your yesterdays. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>A HomeBUILDER with your words! Goal: Encouraging Wife<o:p></o:p></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
An encouraging woman is mature and
knows the power of her words. If I
ask you to think of a time when someone said something cruel that hurt your
feelings, you could probably recount several instances going back to your
elementary school days! Words are
strong weapons: like a nuclear
bomb, once set off there is no turning back! A wise woman realizes just how powerful her words are
and chooses them carefully. I have
used the example of a volcano to describe the power of words to my
children. Once said, words flow
forth and can destroy things that took YEARS TO BUILD, and will take YEARS TO
REBUILD also! If you are
thinking something that isn’t going to build your home, SHUT UP. Don’t poison your children or your
husband by your cruel thoughtless words.
Get mature! It is
UNBELIEVABLE how quickly foolish women are to speak about the flaws of those
they love. What kind of love
demeans an individual – either in front of them or behind their backs? We need to remember what Thumper’s
mother taught him: <i>If you don’t have anything nice to say,
don’t say anything at all! </i>This
goes with children and teens too.
Would you want THEM recounting your struggles and weaknesses to their
friends? Learn to only speak well
of your husband AND your children:
they WILL LIVE UP TO WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN THEM!!!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do whatever it takes to grow up in
this area. For me, it was several
three word phrases that I practiced saying in my mind when I felt the volcano
rising. With these little sayings
running over and over in my mind, I was able to get through many situations
without “blowing it.” Let it go;
lay it down; give it up; forget about it!!! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stop mid-sentence!!! If you <i>know </i>you are saying something that doesn’t need to be said: <i>stop
talking</i>! This is a powerful
tool we will look at more later in our lessons.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
An
encouraging woman knows when to SPEAK UP! Knowing how to SHUT UP isn’t even enough! Is your
husband clinging to the comments of others who compliment him because he
doesn’t sense your admiration of him? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
My
husband travels quite a bit. In
order to help him keep up with what was going on in the house, so he didn’t
walk in blind, it was important for me to “speak up” when I often didn’t even
feel like talking! Let your husband know the good things about your children,
the things they are dealing with, and how you plan to help them through, and he
will not jump in and thwart your plans!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
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An
encouraging woman knows how to communicate. Remember, with guys, “subtle hints don’t work.” If you feel something needs to be said,
SAY IT – don’t expect them to know what’s going through your mind or what
you’re dealing with inside! You
need to learn to communicate with a man:
and men don’t read the signs like women do – so a bit of advice I
received from a few men I interviewed – “subtle hints don’t work!” And remember, <i>timing is everything!<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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An
encouraging woman chooses her words carefully. Remember what the Bible says: Your words are a SHOWCASE – a CHINA CABINET – a DISPLAY CASE
of what is in your heart!!! Are
you BUILDING your home and those in it, or ripping it apart?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Nancy
Reagan says:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4491043500792948778" name="Communication"></a>“I
[have] no blueprint for marriage, how to make it happy and long-lasting, but…
mainly you have to be willing to GIVE.
… I would add that saying how much you love each other – to each other
and also in letters that can be read, and reread over the years – is a
wonderful way to stay close. It is
especially important in our busy lives to keep alive what really matters
most: love, caring for each other,
finding concrete ways to say it and show it, every day and in every way you
can. It’s what endures, after all,
and what we retain and hold onto, especially in our hearts.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><u>What do you EXPECT?! Goal: Contented Wife<o:p></o:p></u></b></div>
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A contented wife can say “it is
enough.” One thing I have always
taught my children from the time they were younger is the saying “It is
enough.” Way too many people,
women in particular, feel that if they only had one thing or another, THEN they
could be content. If they only could lose five more pounds, they could be
happy. If they only had a few
hundred more dollars… A bigger
house… A better
husband… A better job… Living in the “if only” will only breed
discontentment for where you are living in the present. <o:p></o:p></div>
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We have seen more marriages ruined
because of foolish women who wanted more and more and more. I heard that there
are two ways to have “more money”:
make more $$ or simply spend less!
Learn to live more simply.
Learn to say “it is ENOUGH!”<o:p></o:p></div>
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A contented woman frees her
husband from being her “everything.” One exercise I have found to be effective
is to make a list of your needs, make sure they are “needs” and not “greeds,”
and then ask <i>God</i> to fill those
needs. Once you are looking for
those needs to be filled, you may be surprised where the answers can come from.
Also, try to take the <i>squeeze</i> off
your husband by getting some of your needs met elsewhere. Need social activities? Meet a few friends during the day and
have your kids play at the park while you socialize. Need to work out or run errands? Have a babysitter come during the day so when your husband
comes home you can have a wonderful family life. NO ONE wants to be 100% responsible for another
person’s sense of well-being. Once
you realize that, you and your husband will be able to remain in love, and you
will be grateful for what he does for you, your house and your family. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The best benefit of this exercise
is that you <i>set your husband free</i>
from being the <i>“prisoner</i>” of your
expectations. Say, for example,
you <i>expect</i> your husband to give you a
“break” when he comes home from work.
One day it could be that your husband comes home from work and is able
to meet that expectation. However,
since it was what you <i>expected</i> you
are not grateful; he only met the expectation. Then, one day your husband has an extraordinarily rough day
at work and needs a break himself.
He comes in the door, exhausted, with the intent of staring blankly at
Monday night football. He <i>does </i>manage to clear the table, but then
sits down to watch tv. Instead of
being grateful he cleared the table, you are upset because you expected him to
do so much more. Since he did less
than what you expected, you are not only ungrateful for any of his efforts, but
you are furious at how little he did when you expected so much. One of the best bonuses is that
your expectations will be put on God, Who is much better equipped to supply
your list of needs than one mere husband is. We need to set our husbands free from being the one totally
responsible for filling our needs.
No one person can provide all the needs any one complex woman has! <o:p></o:p></div>
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A contented woman is <i>grateful </i>for what she has. I learned many years ago to
expect NOTHING in order to become grateful for anything my husband does to
contribute. Instead of being angry
and agitated that he came home at 11 p.m. because his plane was delayed, I was
happy to see him and grateful he came home at all! If you learn to expect nothing, you will become a more grateful
person. This is simplistic, and I
know there are some situations where there are abuses that may need to be
addressed, but all in all this is one of the principles that made my marriage
and even my other relationships better.
Gratefulness is a beautiful attitude that you can decide to have. I was as grateful in my little trailer
when we first got married, fixing it up like a little dollhouse, as I am in my
big castle home now. A grateful
person is a person everyone wants to be around because she appreciates
everything. <o:p></o:p></div>
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A contented woman is “reasonable”
and “realistic.” We counsel many
people who want to spend money on “extras” when the family budget can’t support
the expenditures. Make sure your
desires, whether for time, money, or expenditures, are in keeping with reality
and are reasonable in what is required. Don’t expect a quiet introverted guy to
be the life of the party; don’t expect a sports fanatic to miss sports games;
don’t expect a guy who has a physically demanding job to come home raring to
go. Not “reasonable” and not
“realistic.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><u>Has he been loved enough? Goal: Loving Wife<o:p></o:p></u></b></div>
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A loving wife thinks the best of
her husband. She honors and
respects her husband for who he IS; and doesn’t have an eye to find out or
concentrate on who he ISN’T. Have
you loved your husband enough?
Do you appreciate the things he DOES for you, or are you always harping
on the things he <i>doesn’t </i>do? Nancy Reagan wrote: “In the climate of
today, I think it would be good for all of us to focus on the positive, the
true, the things that really last, on character, humor, commitment, and love,
and on the happy memories of a wonderful man and his life.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Think of someone in your life who love
you the most: they usually think
the best of you. You WANT to be
around them! Now think of someone
who is very critical of you or you know they just don’t like you. You try to avoid them at all costs! Without even realizing it, if we are
someone who delights in our husband and who thinks the best of them, they will
WANT to be around us more! If we
are critical, they will avoid us!
Same works true with your children!<o:p></o:p></div>
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A loving wife is genuinely
interested in what her husband is interested in. Nancy Reagan said, “I was, I
suppose, a woman of the old school:
If you wanted to make your life with a man, you took on whatever his
interests were and they became your interests too.” Old school or not, the principle rings true. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Dana
Reeve, an actress, was a great example.
She married a famous movie star, and was a movie star herself. She was a constant companion of
Christopher Reeves (superman). After her husband became a quadriplegic, Dana
told Chris: “I still love you no
matter what. You are still you,”
and she became her chief supporter during his 9-1/2 year ordeal and his work
for a cure for spinal cord injuries. After his death, she became the chairwoman
of the Christopher Reeve Paralysis Foundation, which funds research on
paralysis. She never returned to
her own acting, having taken on what was important to her husband.<o:p></o:p></div>
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"I miss
his companionship," said Reeve's widow, who wore his wedding band around
her neck. "I would really like him here. It's very disorienting to be one
person instead of the team we always were." <o:p></o:p></div>
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A loving wife makes a place for
her husband to “come alive.” Have
you delighted in being a part of your husband’s goals and dreams? Have you supported his ideas? I love the song by Stephen Curtis
Chapman, and the words have become a mission for me to my husband:</div>
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Cause
what I really want to say<o:p></o:p></div>
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Is
what the sun would say to the sky<o:p></o:p></div>
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For
giving it a place to come alive<o:p></o:p></div>
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It's
like a tale too great to be told<o:p></o:p></div>
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It's
something that my heart can only show<o:p></o:p></div>
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I'm gonna
take my whole life<o:p></o:p></div>
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Just
to let you know<o:p></o:p></div>
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What I
really want to say<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><u>Our Aim: Goal:
The UltiMATE Woman!<o:p></o:p></u></b></div>
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So what are you aiming for? If your greatest dreams and goals are
separated from your marriage, re-focus!
Work hard to be awesome:
Virtuous, Joyful, Wise, Encouraging, Contented and Loving. Get LOST IN THE WORK of making your
husband look GOOD and be the BEST he can be!<o:p></o:p></div>
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The end result will be what is
said about the woman of virtue:
Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband praises her! Give her of the fruit of her hands, and
let her own works praise her in the gates!!!<o:p></o:p></div>
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In the book <i>Fascinating Womanhood</i>, which inspired a lot of this class and which
we may be referring to later, Helen Andelin describes the Ideal Woman From a
Man’s Point of View as possessing both Angelic and Human Qualities.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The Angelic inspires a feeling of
worship. It brings him peace and
happiness. The angelic qualities
are:<o:p></o:p></div>
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Understands men<o:p></o:p></div>
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Inner Happiness<o:p></o:p></div>
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Character<o:p></o:p></div>
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Domestic Goddess<o:p></o:p></div>
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The human fascinates, amuses,
captivates and enchants him. It
arouses a desire to protect and shelter.
The human qualities are:<o:p></o:p></div>
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Femininity<o:p></o:p></div>
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Radiant Happiness<o:p></o:p></div>
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Radiant Health<o:p></o:p></div>
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Childlikeness<o:p></o:p></div>
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‘The angelic and the human qualities
combine to make a woman he can adore and cherish.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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</div>
<!--EndFragment-->Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-80770972359072733572012-10-12T00:16:00.002-04:002012-10-12T00:16:44.846-04:00Do Not Disturb...When I travel, I always appreciate that the hotels give you a little sign to hang on your door that indicates "Do Not Disturb." Many times housekeeping comes in just when you're trying to get ready to leave, are in the middle of handling telephone calls or doing work on the computer, or are trying to just brush your teeth without being interrupted. Hanging that sign on the door guarantees you will be given adequate time to get your things together before someone comes in.<br />
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It is very important for spouses to respect each other's "Do Not Disturb" option. There are times when it is simply too late to discuss something for one person, one spouse may have a mind over-load from work or stress or may be too upset to try to handle something at the moment. ALLOW your spouse the "Do Not Disturb" option. If you need a visual aid, make a sign and allow them to pull it out and take a breather on something you wanted to handle right away but the other person wasn't quite ready to.</div>
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I have seen one spouse hang the other up when they were trying to get to work. The unwise spouse acts as if the other's "work is more important than our marriage!" when the spouse is trying to get to his job on time. Do you really want to be a WEIGHT on someone's neck or the "wind beneath their wings"?! </div>
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In the past two weeks I have talked with two separate couples in two separate states. Both wives were being emotionally browbeaten by their husbands so continually that they both left their homes. Neither wife wanted to leave. Both wives loved their husbands. They simply could not take it any more. They are hoping and still begging for changes but their husbands are both unwilling. The husbands have made it easier for their wives to live WITHOUT them than to live WITH them. Instead of ADDING VALUE to the relationship, or even being a "ZERO" and not adding OR subtracting, both have made it a relief when they are not around. That is beyond my understanding.</div>
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Give each other some space and time. It is okay to ask "is tomorrow a better time to talk?" Or "is this a good time to talk with you about this"? Every thing does not have to be handled or talked about on one person's perfect timetable. Respect each other's right to be heard and listen. Allow the "Do Not Disturb" sign to enable your spouse the right to get rest, choose the right timing for them, and just do what they need to do without you interrupting them. The payoff will be an appreciation of your gentle forbearance and willingness to work with two schedules rather than just imposing yours all the time.</div>
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CHALLENGE: What are ways that you have violated the "Do Not Disturb" signs that your spouse has vocalized or needed? What ways can you improve? Take steps to consider the other person's timetable and watch the difference it makes in your relationship!</div>
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Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-83366415597330578762012-02-03T10:45:00.000-05:002014-01-01T09:29:19.720-05:00The Dangers of Getting to an ImpasseIn labor relations, when two sides simply cannot reach an agreement and become deadlocked, it is called an "impasse". An impasse is usually mutually harmful, simply for the resulting delays as well as the resulting attitudes on each side from having gotten to the place where the deadlock is evident. An impasse indicates a situation where no progress can be made.<br />
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If couples do not learn to communicate and handle their problems effectively, the result is also an "impasse". There is no obvious escape from the situation. Neither side can see the other person's claims; rather than to move forward the couple becomes "stalemated". In labor negotiations, a mediator must be called in to settle the impasse so both parties can move forward. <br />
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What do you do when a husband feels one way about something and the wife a different way? You both feel so strongly you can't move forward until an agreement is reached... Before you seek outside help of your pastor or a counselor, try using effective mediation principles between yourselves to see if you can effectively decide what to do first. <br />
<br />
1. Pray together. Let the Lord direct you as to how HE wants you to end the impasse! Are you really considering the other's needs more importantly than your own? Are there things to consider that will negatively affect the future or your spouse or your family spiritually?<br />
<br />
2. Both sides need to seek to understand the other. Each person has to be given the opportunity to ask a lot of questions. Maybe the other person has a strong reason for why they feel the way they do. Maybe something is so disturbing to them that they cannot imagine moving forward until the issue is solved. Due discovery will help to uncover reasons why someone is not able to defer to the other person's point of view. Make it a point to ask the other person a question, and then to answer it yourself. Writing everything down often helps.<br />
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3. Write down the "pros" and "cons" to each way of solving the problem.<br />
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4. Consider an alternate plan other than the one each of you is pursuing. By thinking outside the box, you can sometimes move forward. For example, if one person is determined to borrow money for a vacation, and the other person refuses to go into debt for a vacation, maybe you can agree to pay off your loans and then take a vacation, or you can decide to take a smaller get-away while you owe money and after your loans are paid off take a bigger vacation.<br />
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5. Communicate. Many times impasses are really just a lack of communication. Each person's underlying interests, emotional barriers to settlement, or blocks to understanding maybe just haven't been communicated. Maybe timing issues need to be discussed. Many times underlying emotions need to be addressed that are blockading progress in the decision. For example, a person may feel that they are "always the one" to give in, and refuse to go forward even if it's something they don't really mind. Sometimes negative emotions that have nothing to do with the issue at hand block progress and need to be brought to the surface and dealt with before you can move forward.<br />
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6. Don't stop negotiating. Many impasses occur because negotiations aren't carried through properly. Each party has a position and they are not willing to move, but this may be that they are unwilling to move unless they see things in different perspective. With stress blinders on, you can lose clear vision to see the bigger picture. For example, when my husband's work wanted him to move out of state, he couldn't understand that if I moved away from my family and friends, he would be married to an entirely different person than he fell in love with. My support team is critical to me in my life, and I define my life not as how much money I make or how beautiful the mountains are outside my window, but being in a closely knit family and walking together with them in all the little ups and downs of life and being a part of their every day experiences. I know I could never substitute new friends and people I am not related to for my family and have the same meaning and definition of family life. Realizing he couldn't have the things that our family's lives thrived on from a long distance, my husband realized he could not have the move AND the wife he adored, and he let go of the move. He had to stop paying attention to "losing" in the decision enough to realize that the "no" to his current desire was really in his best interest long term.<br />
<br />
7. Reaching an agreement. After reaching an agreement, write down the agreement and hold each other accountable to it. If it is an agreement to stop spending money, take an accounting twice a week to hold each other accountable to it. If it is an agreement to spend more time together, make the dates, put them on the calendar, and hold each other to keeping those dates.<br />
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If you can't make it through, it is important for you to seek help from your pastor or from a counselor. An "impasse" means you are stopped from progressing and from moving forward, and that is a bad place for a relationship to be. If you try to incorporate all the wisdom in moving forward and still can't reach a decision, a third party can often bring hidden things to light. Sadly, many times the third party is only given partial or wrong information, so be sure that this is not the case. <br />
<br />
And remember: the most important thing is NOT a single decision, but your relationship, and how you feel about each other. It is more important that your spouse knows you care about their best interests than if you get your own way all the time!Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-6585938240195371452011-10-02T09:09:00.003-04:002012-02-03T10:46:57.126-05:00Who Am I???Today defines who I am. All the treasures in the world, all my material possessions, all the trips I have taken all around the world, all the friendships I have made along the way, cannot replace the value of my family.<br />
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<div>
If I think of the most joyful and most eventful times of my life, they are surrounded by my family. Today we go to Coasanti's, one of the amazing traditions we use as an excuse to get together. There are many of them -- and then there are just the "normal" days like yesterday, chumming with Danny and his buddy, Christa popping over for awhile, and then meeting Mike and Bethany with Daniel to go to a worship service together and then hang out at their house.</div>
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The value of family. Every weekend having kids that want to hang out with us. Seeing them invest in a family that will yield the amazing results of children growing up with their identity solid. Things that people long for, I have lived with for two generations.</div>
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I am overwhelmed as I face my "double golden" birthday (55 on October 5!) -- how blessed I am to have a husband to respect how much my family is part of my life. He has exemplified Christ to me in laying his life down to be close to my family. In return, we have had the multiple blessings of having family close: the blessings God knew when He made us part of HIS family: when He put the "solitary" in families. When He moved people, He moved families together. I know that Gary could have moved to Silicon Valley in the early 1980's and tripled his income, but I refused to leave family. I wanted to be here for the ups and for the downs. I wanted to raise my children surrounded by INTRANSIENT relationships -- people who care and stay through thick and thin. I can't even bear to think of what my life would be right now if we had chosen differently. My life without my family. Not a life at all as far as I'm concerned. My life is not defined by the weather or the scenery.</div>
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Shania Twain has a great song: "She's not just a pretty face." It lists all the things women are -- and it makes me realize that I have been able to live out so many relationships: not just a wife, but a mom, sister, granddaughter, aunt, niece... The plan of God is much better than the plan of man. Now I have the opportunities to speak the Word and teach and train and be a part of the next generation as Jesse and Amber have their first child. The blessings of a grandparent as told by Scripture: where I can speak and teach "in the way" -- surrounded by love and continuity.</div>
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When I think of the most valuable assets I have in the world, I can picture myself with my nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters, parents, and those whose love has proved how to define "SUCCESS". </div>
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Challenge: Saturate yourself with your family. The ups and downs the goods and bads. Know why your life is defined by your family... Keep it strong and solid. Fight for it. Appreciate it. And if you haven't had the blessing of knowing it firsthand because you come from a broken home, embrace your spouse's family as your own! End the brokenness with YOUR choices!</div>
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<br /></div>Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-31420247494039439792011-08-14T07:02:00.003-04:002011-10-12T09:40:36.447-04:00Responsibilities and Priorities in Marriage<div>The "daily grind" is the tedious monotonous pattern of daily work. It is doing the right thing, day in and day out. </div><div><br /></div><div>For a woman, it is changing diapers, emptying the dishwasher to load it again, it is raising children oftentimes not seeing ultimate rewards but only facing challenges, it is rushing through the grocery store with children in tow and then unloading groceries to then take them out of the refrigerator to cook a healthy meal with and cleaning up, only to wake up the next morning and repeat the monotonous performance.</div><div><br /></div><div>For a man, it is pulling yourself out of bed to face a backstabbing work environment where you are only as good as your last performance and know you can get kicked out the door at any time. It is coming home exhausted to fix things that broke in the house, face a mound of bills, and stretch a dollar. </div><div><br /></div><div>It is flossing, and arbitrating fights, doing what your family needs and not what you would rather be doing, it is cheering your kids on in their activities and teaching them to help the underprivileged. It is selfless and exhausting.</div><div><br /></div><div>In the generation prior to mine, when responsibilities were overwhelming, there was only one answer: keep at it - you have mouths to feed and vows to live out. You have a home to maintain and a boss to keep happy so you can keep your job. When it got to the point where inevitably you asked yourself, "Is this all there is to life -- plodding through without appreciation... working to wake up to work again..." the STABILITY of commitments resounded from everywhere around you to keep at it...</div><div><br /></div><div>Today it is a different story. Media fills "desperate housewives" with trash -- men are portrayed as able to live duplicitous lives with lovers AND wives. Voices call people off the paths of responsibility like never before, and it is accepted and encouraged...</div><div><br /></div><div>Four of the things that are most common in calling people off the path of responsibility in life are: Ego Needs; Romanticism; Extramarital Affairs; and Pleasure. </div><div><br /></div><div>Ego Needs - Both men and women appear equally vulnerable to the powerful desire to be admired and respected by the opposite sex. Many who become entangled in an affair often do so because they want to prove they are still attractive to the opposite sex - that someone enjoys hearing them talk, finds them sexy or exciting. These desires are drawn from the core of one's personality, and can make a sane person act in foolish and dishonorable ways.</div><div><br /></div><div>Romanticism - Many wives, especially when married to busy men - crave romantic encounters. Movies capitalize on their cravings, and depict unrealistic romance in affairs. People crave romantic excitement in their lives. </div><div><br /></div><div>Extramarital Affairs - The lure of infidelity is everywhere. Men and women both are solicited by the opposite sex without regard to their marital status. People aren't even asking for commitment -- many are content with an exciting "fling". </div><div><br /></div><div>Pleasure - Fun and games and just a little bit of fun can become a major attraction to leave the life of responsibility. </div><div><br /></div><div>It is interesting to note that men and women who decide to LEAVE the life of responsibility usually do so at little "blips" -- making "safe" departures from the line, and then return for a time of evaluation. You may not even notice when someone is flirting with a departure from their commitments, until the blip becomes a bulge, and unless deliberately STOPPED the break seems to occur instantaneously. But you can be sure the break was contemplated and "tested" for some time prior.</div><div><br /></div><img src="webkit-fake-url://E52488DA-BDBA-4BCE-9591-49ED81B53100/application.pdf" /><div><br /></div><div>But here's the big question: What happens to the person who leaves their life of responsibility to follow these exciting voices? Do they really live happily ever after? Invariably, they eventually have to establish another life of responsibility. Life can be greener on the other side of the fence, but it still has to be mowed. The pleasure of an affair has to be interrupted as the couple needs to get back to work. The fantastic romantic feeling becomes rather commonplace again when you have to add responsibilities to the mix. The sexual relationship isn't breathtaking anymore once the secretive nature and newness wears off. Eventually both man and woman have to turn their thoughts to earning a living, cooking, cleaning and paying taxes again, with ego needs accumulating as before. Moon-shot emotions have to come back down to earth. </div><div><br /></div><div>What does the amorous couple do when they AGAIN conclude the straight life is intolerably heavy? We are all acquainted with men and women who rip from one relationship to another in vain search of prolonged pleasure and sex and ego needs, leaving many rejected and unloved lovers in their wake, along wit children who crave the affection of a father or mother but can never find it. All that is left on the march toward old age is a series of broken relationships and shattered lives and hostile people. The inevitable outcome: James 1.15 - Then when lust has conceived, it brings forth sin, and sin, when it is finished, brings forth death.</div><div><br /></div><div>What is the answer to the life of responsibility that seems so oppressive? What solutions are consistent with Christian faith? Bring those external voices INTO your life of responsibility! To lessen the appeal of those calls, we must simply meet those needs within our marriages!!!</div><div><br /></div><div>1. Ego Needs - The most successful marriages are those which build up the self esteem of the other. It is SO uncomfortable to be in the company of a man and woman taking verbal swats at each other, attempting to insult and debase their partner. Nothing contributes more to closeness than to convey respect for the personhood of your spouse. Put a BLINDFOLD on to the faults of your spouse and SEE the good in them, and build on it! Let them know they are appreciated at HOME!!!</div><div><br /></div><div>2. Romanticism - Keep romantic fires burning -- write love notes -- surprise each other -- light candles. Make time for romance in your marriage! No one goes shopping for something they have at home! Be sure to put demanding things aside to make time for romance! ALL children need to know that the world does NOT revolve around them -- it is GOOD for them to see you and your spouse take time for romance together even if they have to be inconvenienced now and then!</div><div><br /></div><div>3. Intimacy - Couples NEED to reserve time and energy for meaningful sexual relations. Tired bodes make for tired intimate relations. The physical aspect of your relationship needs to be a high priority. Remember -- the best gift you can give your children is a good marriage. </div><div><br /></div><div>4. Pleasure - Husbands and wives should go on a date at least once a week if possible, leaving children at home. Some form of sports or recreational activity should be enjoyed as a family, even if it is just walking. And take time to LAUGH together -- ENJOY each other!!!</div><div><br /></div><div>Challenge: Integrate these FOUR AREAS into your marriage IMMEDIATELY, and silence any calls off the life of responsibility that you or your spouse may have been entertaining! Make the life of commitment the most fun and enjoyable life you can! Keep your priorities straight and be creative in making every-day life AMAZING. Appreciate the one who committed to love you all your life, and don't make it an impossibility to do so!</div><div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-34591047422949717922011-06-24T07:28:00.007-04:002011-06-27T07:21:36.776-04:00The Two Become One part 2I have counseled many people who don't really understand the concept of the two becoming one, and if their misconceptions of the concept aren't lined up correctly with the intent and Word of God, their marriage is headed for some stormy seas.<div><br /></div><div>What "two become one" does NOT mean is that a couple follows the dictates of one spouse, with the second one melting into the will of the other spouse. </div><div><br /></div><div>The Bible has amazing wisdom on two becoming one in a way that your life can virtually be "multiplied, and the days of your children, in the land... as the days of heaven upon the earth." (Deut 11.21) BUT you must <b>diligently keep</b> all these commandments to receive that kind of blessing...</div><div><br /></div><div>What are the commandments relating to the two becoming one?</div><div><br /></div><div>Consider the concept of submission. Too many times a husband runs slipshod over the needs and desires of his wife to achieve his own goals and agendas. He often quotes that his wife is to "submit to her husband" (Eph. 5.22), leaving many Christian women feeling that if they bring their own desires and needs into consideration they would be going against God and their husband. Submission and God's appointment of leadership become tools of manipulation and coercion to achieve a man's agenda. </div><div><br /></div><div>Yet the command to submit "one to another in the fear of God" (Eph. 21), which the command to the wife is actually <i>prefaced</i> by stating its preeminence in the equation, is not mentioned. </div><div><br /></div><div>I have counseled many couples where the woman acquiesces in things against her own personal desires to accommodate her husband in the guise of being a "good Christian wife." Rather than listening to the Holy Spirit inside her, she allows her husband to "lead" (or do his own thing with her trailing behind supporting). Down the road, as her husband <i>continues</i> to make choices that involve others but is only considering his own welfare and needs, the marriage is on the rocks, and the woman, who has left all <i>her</i> goals and dreams, ultimately realizes she is not part of the "two becomes one" equation and frustratedly wonders if she has truly followed God's plan for her life in following such a man. She realizes too late that God does not only speak to her husband, but speaks to her too. A wise man considers his wife's advice because it can stop him from doing something that is <i>not </i>God's plan because his wife can see things from a different perspective and stop problems. </div><div><br /></div><div>My husband seeks my perspective even for work things, because he knows that sometimes a woman's perspective can avoid problems in the future. Tamar told Amnon not to force her in 2 Sam 13.12; Deborah had to tell Barak to go in Judges 4.14; if Pilot had listened to his wife in Matthew 27.19, he could have spared himself from problems. </div><div><br /></div><div>The influence of a woman in marriages is something that should be part of the "two becomes one" equation if the days of the couple are to literally be like "days of heaven on earth". Over and over I see woman leave their heart and mind OUT of the "two becomes one" equation and the ultimate end is always resentment, frustration, and marriage problems.</div><div><br /></div><div>I told my girls when they were dating that anyone who was willing to not consider a desire they had to be a virgin when they got married and insisted on crossing lines the girls set up physically for their own benefit was definitely NOT the kind of man they wanted to commit their life to. If their desires weren't considered then, I could tell you they wouldn't be considered much afterwards.</div><div><br /></div><div>Jesus is our example as a perfect Bridegroom and how He cares for His bride. He laid His life down for us. He cares about our needs, and meets our needs according to His riches. He decreased so we would increase. A true man who is a spiritual leader considers the needs of his wife -- even if he has to lay down his life -- for her. In fact, we are told to be careful because when you're unmarried you can care for the things that belong to the Lord and how you may please the Lord, but when you are married, you need to care for how you please your wife (1 Cor 7.32-33). </div><div><br /></div><div>True leadership considers the needs, desires, wants, and goals of the person or people he leads. My husband and I, early in our marriage, while shopping for furniture for our home, decided that if one person didn't like it we needed to continue shopping until we could find something we <b>both</b> liked. We each had "veto" power. We did that for our entire lives, in choosing job positions, rules for our children, and even cable companies. Considering each other's needs, wants, and dreams was important to each of us.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am so grateful I have a husband who made decisions based on my welfare, even at a cost to him. He never complained about accommodating me; in fact, I knew he was committed to accommodate me. I can truly say I have always felt that my opinion was important and considered in my husband's decision making processes. </div><div><br /></div><div>When "two becomes one" be sure you bring your part to the equation. You are <b>not </b>doing your husband any favors if you hide your feelings and just go along with his. You are negating the power of two becoming one. </div><div><br /></div><div>Of course, this works the other way too... </div><div><br /></div><div>Challenge: In the "two becomes one" equation, have you brought who <b>you </b>are to the equation? Have you truly considered the other person's needs, wants, goals and desires? Do you serve your spouse knowing that when you are married, that is the <b>primary way </b>that you serve the Lord? Bring it to the next level! </div>Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-34179401932248623742011-03-21T10:57:00.003-04:002011-03-21T11:03:25.768-04:00The Twenty-Third ChannelThe TV set is my shepherd. My marriage shall want. It maketh me to sit down and do nothing for my spouse for its name's sake, because it requireth all my spare time. It keepeth me from doing my duty as a husband or wife, because it presenteth so many good shows that I must see.<div><br /></div><div>It restoreth my knowledge of the affairs, discontent and abuse of God's holy plan for my marriage, and keepeth me from the study of God's word and plan for my marriage. It leadeth me in the paths of failing to attend worship services, and doing nothing in the Kingdom of God.</div><div><br /></div><div>Yea, though I live to be a hundred, I shall keep on viewing my TV as long as it will work, for it, not my spouse, is my closest companion. Its sounds and its picture, they comfort me.</div><div><br /></div><div>It presenteth entertainment before me; I need not think or hear conviction as to God's plan for me. It fills my head with ideas which differ from those set forth in the Word of God, and keepeth me from doing important things with my family.</div><div><br /></div><div>Surely no good thing will come of my marriage, because my TV offereth me no good time to do God's will: thus I will dwell in spiritual poverty all the days of my married life.</div><div><br /></div><div>CHALLENGE: Turn OFF the television five or six days a week, and get back to some amazing things: reading the Word of God -- remember the Word is your LIFE not just "required reading" for a few minutes in the morning -- reading good books, working out, getting some things done around the house! Post some positive results of turning the television OFF for MOST of your life!</div>Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-72173407551750631372010-12-18T11:30:00.000-05:002010-12-18T11:36:54.397-05:00Walking Through Life With You...<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal">In the movie <i>They Died With Their Boots On, </i><span style="font-style:normal">with Errol Flynn and Olivia de'Havilland, Errol Flynn plays Custer during the time preceding and during Custer's "last stand."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I love the line Custer says to his wife when he knows he'll not ever see her again:</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">"Walking through life with you has been a very gracious thing…"</p> <p class="MsoNormal">What has "walking through life with YOU" been to your spouse?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">What would you LIKE walking through life to be with you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Fun?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Energizing?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>A very <i>encouraging </i><span style="font-style:normal">thing?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Sadly, if you asked many people today, they would say, "Walking through life with my spouse has been a very <i>trying</i><span style="font-style:normal"> thing."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Or a very </span><i>stressful</i><span style="font-style:normal"> thing or a very </span><i>hair raising</i><span style="font-style:normal"> experience!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-style:normal"></span>Decide what you want "walking through life with you" to be, and make today the beginning of that experience for your spouse and for those around you.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Challenge:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>What is "walking through life" with YOU like?!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>What do you want it to be?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Make a FOCUSED EFFORT so that others will have an amazing testimony of what "walking through life" with you has meant to them!</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <!--EndFragment-->Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-90995873650905563532010-12-08T09:05:00.002-05:002010-12-08T09:09:09.442-05:00United in Purpose<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="color:black;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align: left;"><span style="color:black;">Amos 3:3 Do two people walk hand in hand </span>if they aren’t going to the same place?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">So many times when my children were in high school, I instructed them to be careful of trying to "walk together" down the same road with someone if the person wasn't even sure of which road they wanted to walk down yet!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I encouraged them to see where the people they hung around with were heading after graduation, when they were <i>able</i><span style="font-style:normal"> to decide on their own which paths they wanted to pursue in their lives, and </span><i>then </i><span style="font-style:normal">determine if that was a path that was mutual before making any commitments to someone.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">It is so important that when you link lives you are united in <i>purpose.</i><span style="font-style:normal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>This goes beyond the fun and entertainment part of dating, it goes beyond mutual hobbies and likes and dislikes.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It goes to the depths of the </span><i>purpose of your lives.</i></p> <p class="MsoNormal">My mom and dad are so different from one another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>My dad loves sports and activities, and my mom loves reading and poetry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>My dad could care less about books, and my mom could care less about sports.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>But they are celebrating more than sixty years together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The bond they have is the strongest bond possible:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>the bond of being united <i>in purpose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Both of them gave their lives and energies to producing an amazing family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>They poured themselves into it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Each in their own way, with their own contributions, they gave 100% to ensuring the closeness of our family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>When they committed their lives to Christ when we were all teenagers, they realized the supernatural power of God to effectuate and empower the purpose they already lived for.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">My husband and I are united in purpose for the same goal:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>to live lives to glorify the Lord, and to have a family that demonstrates the power of God in the earth.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Isaiah 8.18 ~ Behold, I and the children whom the LORD hath given me <i>are</i><span style="font-style:normal"> for signs and for wonders in Israel from the LORD of hosts, which dwelleth in mount Zion.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Psalm 127.4 ~ As arrows<i> are</i><span style="font-style:normal"> in the hand of a mighty man; so </span><i>are</i><span style="font-style:normal"> children of the youth.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Isaiah 54.13 ~ And all thy children<i> shall be</i><span style="font-style:normal"> taught of the LORD; and great</span><i> shall be</i><span style="font-style:normal"> the peace of thy children.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Psalms 132.12 ~ If thy children will keep my covenant and my testimony that I shall teach them, their children shall also sit upon thy throne for evermore.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Many times when my husband and I were at variance with each other, we would know that we were praying for too many things to be at odds with each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Our unity of purpose demanded us to keep no records of wrongs done to each other:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>we had to clear things up immediately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>In the 29 years we have been together, we have never allowed ourselves to be angry with each other for more than a few hours without clearing things up.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">What is the purpose for which you and your spouse are united?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>What is the passion of your souls that join you together and command your unity and oneness?</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Challenge:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Talk with each other and discuss the purpose that unites you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Discuss your goals and see where your unity in purpose is together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Then pull together and watch amazing things happen!</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <!--EndFragment-->Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-87623161190703489852010-10-26T04:29:00.002-04:002011-06-27T07:22:49.746-04:00Two Become One part 1<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:16.0pt;">It is a mystery how when you are married, you become ONE with your spouse! I think as you grow together and really make it your business to know your spouse and love him/her despite differences, you actually begin to understand how they feel even before they tell you. So many times I will <i>think </i></span><span style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:16.0pt;">something and Gary will <i>do </i></span><span style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:16.0pt;">exactly what I was thinking! </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:16.0pt;"></span><span style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:16.0pt;">Although the marriage is the <i>event </i></span><span style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:16.0pt;">that makes you one, it really seems more like a <i>process </i></span><span style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:16.0pt;">that needs to be worked out day after day. It become a choice. Here are a few ways to <i>work on </i></span><span style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:16.0pt;">really becoming <i>one:</i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Georgia;font-size:21px;">*Care about what your spouse cares about.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:16.0pt;">*Feel your spouse's emotions with them. Even if your spouse holds things inside, try to understand what emotions he/she is feeling and feel those emotions with them.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:16.0pt;">*Try to anticipate your spouse's needs and meet them.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:16.0pt;">*Somehow touch base with each other during the day, even if just for a minute.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:16.0pt;">Challenge: How are you <i>one </i></span><span style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:16.0pt;">day by day? Think of ways each day to show your <i>oneness </i></span><span style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:16.0pt;">in a tangible way. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <!--EndFragment-->Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-31093362500735559182010-10-26T04:01:00.004-04:002010-10-26T04:24:18.868-04:00Feeling Safe With Someone<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">While driving through Italy, Gary and I had a lot of time to be together.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Gary seemed bemused at my conversation, but was definitely more in tuned to driving than talking (not unusually).</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">This being a rare occasion when we have so much time together, I said, "Gary TALK to me!" He asked, "About what?" I told him "About ANYTHING… what do you like, what don't you like, what are your dreams, what plans do you have for anything, who do you like, what problems at work are you experiencing, what is your favorite vacation, best memory, worst memory, most funniest thing that happened to you… ANYTHING!</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I just want to hear you!"</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">After thinking for a few seconds he said, "That is a LOT of stuff to talk about…" and …silence.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">After a short while of looking around and driving some more, I decided to contentedly and almost unilaterally carry on my conversation.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I was happy to talk about little things and observances, to note unusual things in our travels, noticing all sorts of details.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Gary was happy to drive and look around a little in silence.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I decided I would rather let Gary be content in who he is without trying to dig up something to talk about than try to pull conversation from him.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">After all, I would not be able to look around without noticing things, so why should I expect him to do something opposite his personality?!</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I did manage to "test" his knowledge of foreign words, which was a further indication that he really wasn't too interested in little details!</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Sometimes I feel that the best way to love someone is for them to feel SAFE with you.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">To know that whether they are in the mood to talk or not, that you love them and are okay with them and accept them just the way they are.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Sometimes it is the opposite situation:</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Gary will need to vent or I will need to vent over something.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">To be safe with someone is to know that they know your heart and believe the best in you.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">You can pour your heart out, and, if needed, restate things that need to be restated because they came out wrong the first time, or they were misinterpreted.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The worst thing to do in a disagreement, or when trying to reach a conclusion, or in a misunderstanding, is to "defend" yourself.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">When a team is on the defense in sports, they are determined not to let the opposition break through.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">When you are on the defense in a conversation, the person talking to you will never feel any opportunity to break through either!</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">It's a funny play on words too:</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">if you're on "de-fense" there IS a fence up that will continue to divide!</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">You can not make someone feel that to discuss their feelings with you will end up in a debate: they will be aware that your motive is not to understand them but to </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">undermine</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> them, and they will often give up and walk away.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Love is </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">easy to approach, believing and hoping the best </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">of the other person.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I love this poem about Friendship:</span></span></p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><p></p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Oh, the comfort –</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Having neither to weigh thoughts, </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Nor measure words – but pouring them </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">All right out – just as they are – </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Chaff and grain together –</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Certain that a faithful hand will Take and sift them –</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Keep what is worth keeping –</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">And with the breath of kindness </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Blow the rest away.</span></span><p></p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Challenge:</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Does your spouse feel </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">safe</span></span></i><span style="font-style: normal; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> with you.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Do they feel accepted just as they are or do you have them "jumping through hoops" to be what </span></span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">you</span></span></i><span style="font-style:normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> want them to be?</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Do you allow someone to express themselves to you until you understand their viewpoint, or do you go on "de-fense" and partition yourself from them?</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Do you seek to </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">understand</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> rather than </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">undermine</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">?</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Do you allow your spouse to rephrase things that you may have interpreted differently than what they were trying to say, or that they just simply need to restate?</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Make your spouse feel SAFE and enjoy the "inexpressible comfort" defined in the poem above!</span></span><p></p> <!--EndFragment--> </div>Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-86707108188630402872010-01-06T10:08:00.003-05:002010-01-06T12:05:44.804-05:00Crashworthiness: Tried, Tested and Sure<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:arial, sans-serif;font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:13px;"> <span class="show_spellpr" style=" color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; display: inline; font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:13px;"><span class="prondelim" style=" color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:13px;">[</span><span class="pron" style=" color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; display: inline; font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:13px;"><span class="boldface" style=" color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-weight: 700; font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:13px;">krash</span>-wur-<span class="ital-inline" style=" color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; display: inline; font-style: italic; font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:13px;">th</span><img class="luna-Img" border="0" src="http://sp.ask.com/dictstatic/dictionary/graphics/luna/thinsp.png" alt="" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: text-top; " />ee-nis</span><span class="prondelim" style=" color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:13px;">]</span></span></span> capable of withstanding the effects of a crash; the ability of a car or other vehicle to withstand a collision or crash with minimal bodily injury to its occupants.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Being married to a NASCAR fan, I understand that the most successful race cars are those that are built with the CRASH in mind: and are built to withstand the ultimate crash. Things are set in place: special bars, airbags, anti-fire, special provisions for roll-overs, special driving gear and clothing, that will help the car crash and yet still have the driver survive. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Our marriages and families need to withstand storms and threats and "crashes" like never before. How "crashworthy" is YOUR marriage, and YOUR family? What have you done to PREPARE yourselves for the threats and crashes? </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Our last family vacation had the normal, fun-loving, "floating down the lazy river" type moments: we played golf, tennis, and did extreme workouts together. We held daily challenging Bible studies led by each couple, and finished each night with dinner prepared and served by each couple. We played cards, talked, shopped, shared laughter, even visited the "what dreams are made of" Magic Kingdom... </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">But this family vacation, with all our newlyweds, one soon-to-be-married and one dating couple, had one different, interesting, and SEEMINGLY horrible difference: there was a multiple day THREAT to our unity that showed itself in the form of some ugly interactions and attitudes. TRIED... we made the most of every opportunity, trying to avert the problems, but God had a different idea through the TESTING...</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">This vacation became the BEST VACATION EVER because it demonstrated our family's "crashworthiness".</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">"Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was FOUNDED UPON A ROCK. And every one that hearth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it." (Matthew 7.24-27)</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">SURE... we made some "rules of the ring" in the form of action items (see below) on ways to handle conflict resolution. We realized:</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">*Unity and a solidly closely-knit family like ours, so intimately involved in each others' lives, is worth fighting for and can NOT be taken for granted!</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">*We are POWERFUL together and ALL things good are only good when TESTED and SURE.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">*We realize more than ever the things that could threaten our bond, and have joined together to take action against those things and not allow them in our lives.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Here is our study to encourage others:</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>Fighting for Our Family</b></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b><br /></b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>1. Our Destiny is our Greatest Challenge</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>2. No One is Right – We must fight for Peace</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; color: #ff0000"><b>We have “A culture of Quitters”</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>2 Tim 3:1-5</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents,</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal,</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>of God— 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power.</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>3. Regard Others as More Important than Ourselves</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>MT 20:28</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; color: #de0806"><b>Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; color: #de0806"><b>ransom for many.”</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>4. Guard Against Bitterness & Grudges</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>Eph 4:3</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>with peace.</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>Matthew 5:23-24</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; color: #de0806"><b>“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; color: #de0806"><b>has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; color: #de0806"><b>reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>Col 3:13</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>Forgive as the Lord forgave you.</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>MT 6:14</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; color: #de0806"><b>For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; color: #de0806"><b>you. </b><span style="color:#000000;"><b>15 </b></span><b>But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>Jesus – Last 30 hours</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>• Arrested</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>• Taken before court – for crimes he didn’t commit</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>• Betrayed by his friends</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>• Beaten beyond recognition</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>• Carried a cross to the place of his death</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>• Slammed spikes into his hands</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; color: #ff0000"><b><i>Yet he said…</i></b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b><i>“Father, </i></b><span style="color:#ff0000;"><b><i>forgive </i></b></span><b><i>them for they do not know what they are doing…”</i></b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>1. Who do you need to forgive?</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>2. Whom do you need to ask forgiveness from?</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>5. Love Deeply</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>1Peter 4:8</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>PS 103:12</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>as far as the </b><span style="color:#de0806;"><b>east is from the west</b></span><b>, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>Action Items ("Rules of the Ring")</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>• Address the “bricks” of offense before they turn into a wall</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>• Go directly to the offender and don’t gossip</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>• Stick to the issue at hand</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>• Seek first to understand before you are understood. Even a fool is thought to be</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>wise if he keeps his mouth shut. (Proverbs) – Guard our reactions to offense</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>• Love Deeply, Forgive and Forget</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>• Stick to the issue at hand (Don’t attack the Character attack the issue)</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>• Avoid “always and never”</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>• Leave the other person ‘a way back in’</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>• Be able to say what the person said back to them</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>• Don’t leave the issue resolution</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b>**127,672 interactions within the Budzinski family***</b></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b><br /></b></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Challenge: Make "rules of the ring" or "action items" to take during times of testing and disagreement. Make sure your marriage and family is "crashworthy". Be sure the threats, challenges and problems will come: make SURE your marriage and family are "capable of withstanding the effects"!</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><b><br /></b></p></span></span></div>Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-63912071336395985892009-10-12T13:15:00.000-04:002009-10-12T13:16:24.913-04:00Correction: Do you Embrace It or Despise It??<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "> Every year my husband has had to go through a review at his job. The review (which consists of pages upon pages) contains input from many of his authorities AND peers on how he can do better.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It is NOT a "pat on the back" and NOT to make him "feel good" but rather to show him areas where he needs to CHANGE.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>He could deny the things listed there saying "I don't do those things."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>"The results are great; don't question the process…" "That's the way I am!"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>BUT his reaction to correction <b><i>determines his future with the company.</i></b></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><i> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; ">Same with sports figures.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The call of the referee becomes part of their game.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Whether "right" or "wrong" if the referee calls a foul, the player better lift his hands higher, and tweak his game to the point where it is acceptable to the referee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>If the coach corrects the player for something, he better not deny what the coach sees or the referee sees:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>because his reaction to correction <b><i>determines his future with the game.</i></b></span></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> I was teaching a class on parenting and we were looking at the area of correction and how our children are taught to respond to correction when it comes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It is obvious that many children feel that <i>correction</i><span style="font-style:normal"> and </span><i>discussion </i><span style="font-style:normal">are synonyms.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>When many children are corrected, they become defensive rather than reflective; they feel threatened rather than challenged to change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Unfortunately, I believe this </span><i>attitude </i><span style="font-style:normal">comes from the way that parents receive correction from authorities or peers in their lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Unfortunately as well, our children's reaction to correction </span><b><i>determines their future success.</i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><i> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; ">When a student takes a test, and gets some of the answers wrong, a wise student accepts the information gladly.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Rather than defending their wrong answers or saying that the teacher is wrong, a wise student studies up and gets help understanding where they are falling short, so that they can improve their grade.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Their reaction to correction <b><i>determines their grade/success in the class and grasping the material.</i></b></span></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><i> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; ">Driving down the highway or even down the road, many a wise driver has checked their rear view mirror to determine if a car is driving in their <i>blind spot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></i><span style="font-style:normal">Because they check areas not readily seen, many accidents are averted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Their reaction to what is in their </span><b><i>blind spots determines their success on the road.</i></b></span></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><i> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; ">If we are going to go from <b><i>glory to glory </i></b><span style="font-weight:normal;font-style:normal">(2 Cor 3.18) and the path of the just is as a shining light that shineth </span><b><i>more and more </i></b><span style="font-weight:normal;font-style:normal">unto the perfect day, then we need to embrace and accept correction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Even when coming from an antagonistic source, we need to look for any verity or truth in the observation and accept the correction and change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>If we are "coming off" a certain way, we need to </span><b><i>tweak </i></b><span style="font-weight:normal;font-style:normal">our behavior, look at our heart, adjust our motives and change to get to the next level.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></span></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <b><i>Do not become complacent </i></b><span style="font-weight:normal;font-style:normal">by avoiding times with God where you ask HIM to examine your heart and motives to see where you need to change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Many times you may feel pretty good lining yourself up against your peers, but when you get in the presence of the Lord, you become like Isaiah crying out "woe is me for I am undone…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I am a man of unclean lips, for mine eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!" (Is 6.5)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> “Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>(Psa 139:23-24 AMP)</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><i> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; ">My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline, but don’t be crushed by it either. It’s the child he loves that he disciplines; the child he embraces, he also corrects. God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God’s training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best. At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God.” (Heb 12:5-11 MESSAGE)</span></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black"> Proverbs 13:18 - Poverty and shame come to a person who ignores discipline, but whoever pays attention to constructive criticism will be honored.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black"> <span style="color:black">Proverbs 15:32 He who refuses <i>and</i></span><span style="color:black"> ignores instruction <i>and</i></span><span style="color:black"> correction despises himself, but he who heeds reproof gets understanding.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black"> <span style="color:black">Proverbs 3:11 My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>12 For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son<i> in whom</i></span><span style="color:black"> he delighteth.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black"> The fool brushes off correction, refusing to grow as a person or spiritually.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The fool defends himself in the face of any one who has the courage or love enough to approach them with blindspots, or even against a hostile person who brings to the surface some blindspots they have in their lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Refusing to go from glory to glory, they are content to stay the same…</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black"> <span style="color:black">That is not God's plan for you!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>He doesn't want you to feel <i>condemned, </i></span><span style="color:black">but rather <i>convicted, </i></span><span style="color:black">which leads to change and growth for you!</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black"> “For godly grief and the pain God is permitted to direct, produce a repentance that leads and contributes to salvation and deliverance from evil, and it never brings regret; but worldly grief (the hopeless sorrow that is characteristic of the pagan world) is deadly [breeding and ending in death].”</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black">(2Cor 7:10 AMP)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black">Challenge:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Are you going from glory to glory by receiving correction?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Are you demonstrating to your children and to others that you are open to be corrected without being defensive?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Be an example of LOVING correction and GROWING personally and spiritually CONSTANTLY!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I challenge you to live out the Stephen Curtis Chapman song:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>BRING IT ON!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Knowing it will make you better, stronger, and equip you more, BRING ON THE TEST so you can get stronger and stronger and see what is inside of you!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <!--EndFragment-->Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-27645834242657032372009-09-26T23:49:00.004-04:002009-09-27T00:15:06.266-04:00A Way Out: You need to GIVE it AND to TAKE it!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Tahoma, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; color: rgb(85, 85, 85); "><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 20px !important; text-align: left; font-size: 12px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;">Ever been caught in a crossfire between a couple? Where the words or attitudes start flying, and the statements being made go a little deeper each statement? The couples that have the most effective communication are couples that know how to make a way out of the cycle...</span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 20px !important; text-align: left; font-size: 12px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;">I've been around couples who are constantly looking to give the other that "way out" of an open disagreement. One person may say, "you know, you haven't emptied the garbage lately..." or ANY such statement relating to something they've "fallen short" of. Instead of reacting, the person says something like, "awww..... I need to empty the garbage more for you to show you I love you, don't I?!" -- and the argument swiftly ends!</span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 20px !important; text-align: left; font-size: 12px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;">I've also been around couples where one statement leads to another and there doesn't seem a graceful way for either to then enter back into the normal conversation. </span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 20px !important; text-align: left; font-size: 12px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;">One of the most IMPORTANT things you need to learn in your marriage is how to GIVE and TAKE a "way out" of provoking, accusative statements or cycles. </span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 20px !important; text-align: left; font-size: 12px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); ">Think ahead of ways to GIVE a way out to your spouse: ways of throwing them a "lifeline" to grab hold of before they drown (mostly because we're the ones who pushed them out of the boat to begin with!) If the conversation is getting more accusative or threatening or finger-pointing at THEM, instead look to lighten it up and let them "keep face". Things like: "Well, you may not be too good at ________, but your intentions are the BEST....;" "Oh, you're so cute, if I can just LOOK at you who CARES if I have to do all the dishes myself!...;" "I know you'd help me more if I really asked you to...;" "Don't worry, I'm working on a few areas MYSELF that I need to get better at!" or something like that where your spouse can gracefully enter back into a normal conversation...</span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 20px !important; text-align: left; font-size: 12px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;">Think of ways to TAKE a "way back" if the accusations are being hurled against YOU! Grab a lifeline from statements like, "You know, I have been a little oblivious to his/her need in this area, I need to pay more attention!;..." "I know it's been difficult for him/her; I need to help out more...;" "I really need to work on being a better husband/wife!;..." ANYTHING to show your TRUE (hopefully) humility and acknowledge SOMETHING on where the hidden or outright accusatory statements lie.</span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 20px !important; text-align: left; font-size: 12px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;">Challenge: LISTEN to what your spouse is saying and acknowledge the accusatory remarks or diffuse them effectively; and LISTEN to the way YOU are speaking TO and ABOUT your spouse and give a generous amount of GRACE to let them now drown in the sea of accusations!</span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 20px !important; text-align: left; font-size: 12px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;">Read the Recipe for a Happy Marriage Poem below and see which ingredients you need to be sure to add more of in YOUR MARRIAGE to be sure it stays happy and healthy!</span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 20px !important; text-align: left; font-size: 12px; "><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 20px !important; font-size: 12px; ">Recipe For A Happy Marriage Poem</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 20px !important; text-align: left; font-size: 12px; ">4 cups of Love<br />2 cups of Loyalty<br />Dash of Faith<br />3 cups of Kindness<br />4 cups of Understanding<br />1 cup of Friendship<br />5 spoonfuls of Hope<br />1 barrel of Laughter<br />Pinch of Forgiveness (no substitutions)<br />Dash of Thoughtfulness (not optional)</p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 20px !important; text-align: left; font-size: 12px; ">Take love and loyalty and mix thoroughly with faith.<br />Blend in kindness and understanding, add friendship and hope.<br />Sprinkle abundantly with laughter. Garnish with forgiveness and thoughtfulness.<br />Bake with sunshine.<br />Serve daily with generous helpings.</p></span>Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-52935813325177317242009-09-24T10:56:00.002-04:002009-09-24T11:11:34.569-04:00Beneath the Surface<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Tahoma">Proverbs 20.5-7 <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span> A motive in the human heart is like deep water, and a person who has understanding draws it out. Many people declare themselves loyal, but who can find someone who is really trustworthy? A righteous person lives on the basis of his integrity. Blessed are his children after he is gone. </p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Tahoma"><br /></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Tahoma">A man or woman of understanding will see the heart and motives and innermost thoughts of their spouses and "draw it out" in understanding them and trying to meet their needs. We need to be that someone who is "really trustworthy" -- not just who "declares themselves loyal" but is REALLY trustworthy to our spouses. They can TRUST us with their innermost feelings. We make time for them to discuss things with us, maybe even things we don't agree with, but we truly <i>listen</i> to hear their heart. A wise woman or man makes notes of things going on in their spouse's life and tries to help their spouse through difficult situations or times. This may mean hiding it in your heart and doing something about it later, or addressing the issues their spouse is trying to communicate.</p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Tahoma"><br /></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Tahoma">See beneath the surface. Is your spouse truly irritated at every little thing in life all of a sudden, or is something "bigger" bothering them that they need to talk through and deal with? Do you notice that your spouse is isolating him/her-self all of a sudden and <i>not</i> interested in talking things through? Be that person who has understanding and draws their feelings out. Be creative in doing this, and show yourself to be trustworthy of them committing their thoughts to you. Give their thoughts consideration and credence, acknowledge how they<i> </i>feel, and then have wisdom on how to proceed.</p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Tahoma"><br /></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Tahoma">When you see a tip of an iceberg in the water, you need to know that 90% of the iceberg is UNDER WATER. This is an important precept to remember in your marriage and in any relationship: if you see a "tip" of something surface, remember that there is a LOT going on underneath the surface!</p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Tahoma"><br /></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Tahoma">Have and live integrity too. Keep your partner's secrets to yourself only. Never share negative things about your spouse to others who may not have the benefit of seeing all the <i>good </i>things they do, and may not have the grace to deal with the things they need to work on. Your spouse will know if you share negative things about them to your friends and family, and it will tend to isolate them, which is a serious problem for many couples. Have integrity behind closed doors. Be honest with others; be honest with yourselves. Be honest with your spouse. Be truthful, trustworthy, loyal, conscientious. Live an open and honest life... And your children will be blessed (fortunate, happy, to be envied). The opposite is true as well. When you do NOT live righteously (the RIGHT way) with integrity, your children will follow suit, and their lives will be cursed. </p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Tahoma"><br /></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Tahoma">Challenge: Live BIG. Work hard at being a person of understanding who draws the heart of their spouse out and helps them be the best they can be ALWAYS. Take time for this most important part of your relationship! And live righteously with integrity, making a difference for generations to come...</p>Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4491043500792948778.post-12471733783245267712009-09-16T09:18:00.000-04:002009-09-16T09:19:08.552-04:00Put your HEART into it!<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal">"The heart makes commitments, the will makes choices, and behavior is where it all comes out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The heart work, or lack of it, is revealed in behavior, what you see every day…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Sometimes what's going on in the heart is a mystery, but behavior is always on display."</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">So began the Bible study on parenting that I am teaching at our <a href="http://www.cccsterling.org/">Church</a> on Tuesday mornings, and from which this study is taken from.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>(<a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=q-BGoVl2dEUC&dq=parenting+is+heart+work&printsec=frontcover&source=bn&hl=en&ei=0uKwSoX2DYvyMarb9fIN&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=4#v=onepage&q=&f=false">Parenting is Heart Work – order book here if interested</a>.)</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I was thinking of how much (as usual) these "heart principles" relate to our marriages.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">What do you see from your spouse's behavior that reveals where their heart is?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">What do you see from you OWN behavior that reveals where YOUR heart is?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">This is a challenging and paramount question since Proverbs tells us:</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black"><b>Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it <i>ARE</i></b></span><span style="color:black"><b> the issues of life.</b></span><span style="color:black"> Proverbs 4:23<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black">How do you determine what is in YOUR heart (so you can change and go from "glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord – 1 Cor 3.18) or in the heart of your spouse (so you can see areas that your marriage needs to be worked on)?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black"><b>Listen<o:p></o:p></b></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black"><b> <o:p></o:p></b></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black">Luke 6.45 tells us that from the abundance of our hearts our mouths speak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>This means that if you simply listen to what is coming out of your mouth you will hear where your heart is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Sometimes this "showcase" of my heart (what I am saying!) makes me realize areas that I need to submit more to the Lord and deal with in my life to get rid of termites that can eat away at the best that God has for me (Song 2.15).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black">Listen and make mental notes of what your spouse is saying too, and although you don't need to point things out on the spot, look for creative ways to improve your relationship by addressing things on your spouse's heart that their words reveal.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black">The greatest enemy of listening is wanting to tell your own story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Be careful not to give your opinions too quickly, or others will shut down their hearts from receiving any input from you!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>An accepting, safe, listening ear often opens the heart in ways that nothing else can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black"><b>What do you treasure?<o:p></o:p></b></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black"><b> <o:p></o:p></b></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black">What are you or your spouse interested in?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>What do you think about – where do you spend money – what do you want to do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Matthew 6.21 tells us that where our treasure (deposit) is, there will our hearts be also.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>This is key.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Desires, hopes, dreams, wishes…<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>these all start in the heart and then come out in conversation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black">We invest in the things that are in our hearts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>We need to inspire our spouses, and be inspired OURSELVES by the Lord, to get a bigger vision for life and have the RIGHT things to set our hearts on!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We need to be aware of things that aren't bad in themselves, but that we know don't contribute to our growth as a person, and we need to limit the time we spend on those things.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black">When you see something in your behavior or your spouse's behavior, ask "What's the HEART issue?"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Then develop a strategy that addresses both the heart issue and the behavior.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black">The solution needs to acknowledge the behavior problem and work toward different actions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>At the same time the deeper heart issues need to be challenged.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>By taking a two-pronged approach, you can bring about lasting change while learning appropriate behavior conducive to the desired outcome for your marriage!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black">We need to learn to look at our behavior and the things we say with discerning eyes, and see our hearts through the things we say and do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>And we need to be CHALLENGED to consistently look for and apply ourselves to change our hearts so that we may more and more consistently grow into the best that the Lord has us to be in our marriages and in our lives!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black">“Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black">(Psa 139:23-24 KJVS)<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black">Challenge:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>What does our words and behavior show us about our hearts that needs to be tweaked, addressed, or completely overhauled?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>What does our spouse's words and behavior show us about where their hearts are – areas that we can be a part of positive change?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Allow the Lord to infuse HIS love and HIS power into your heart and watch the difference reflected in our words and actions!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <!--EndFragment-->Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460894801560971449noreply@blogger.com0