Too Many Words!

You can walk by a well kept garden, and tell EXACTLY which seeds were planted by what is blooming there. You can also tell the ugly weeds that just drifted in, which, if allowed to grow long enough, will choke out the beauty of the well-kept garden. Yes, words that we spoke yesterday make life what it is today!!! Mark 11.23 says “He shall have those things that he sayeth.” The things you say are words. In face you could paraphrase it that you will possess the things you speak.

Words, words, words. Researchers’ estimates of how many words we speak per day range from 50,000 to 2,500, with the average estimate being approximately 15,000 words per day. Just listening to the words that people are speaking this week is compelling me to write about it. People are DEFEATING their purposes, plans and pursuits by the WORDS they are speaking!

The Bible tells us that in Matthew 12.36-37 tells us that we will give account of every idle or useless word we speak, and that by our words we shall be justified (shown innocent), or by our words we shall be condemned (pronounced guilty).

Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose. (Proverbs 18.21 Message) Words can make or break us, heal us or make us sick. They can break others to pieces (Job 19.2). They have creative power (Romans 4.17 - Abraham was first named “father” and then became a father because he dared to trust God to do what only God could do: raise the dead to life, with a word make something out of nothing.)

Words make an atmosphere. They bless or heal, they empower, they cut down and curse. A soft word can turn away wrath, and grievous words can agitate anger (Proverbs 15.1).

Words can be wood to a fire or even a destroying fire (Proverbs 26.20, 16.27, James 3.5-6) or a fire extinguisher (Proverbs 15.1, Proverbs 26.20).

When there is strife between a husband and wife, the husband will often “clam up” but the wife will seek someone to “understand her” – whether a friend, her sisters, or her mom. In her efforts to “be understood,” she runs slipshod over the warnings in Scripture and shares her viewpoint of one transgression after another. In doing so, it makes the problem magnified, and covers up the answer to how to FIX the problem. Not only that, she poisons the reputation of her husband with the people she loves who, if THEY are not careful, take up her “side” – which in a marriage is dividing a house against a house (the two HAVE become ONE and can never exist independently of one another again).

In marriage counseling, I have not allowed couples to give me “blow by blow” details. It is not necessary to know exactly what was said and how it was said, because I realize that most often an action on the part of one person has caused a reaction from the other person.

A word of wisdom to husbands: My husband just told me YESTERDAY that he heard that the biggest problem in Christian marriages today is the lack of spiritual headship of the men. Step it up men! Be an example of Christ in your home!

A word of wisdom to wives: Don’t get caught up in the “blame game” or the “I need someone to understand me” game and keep heaping wood on a fire. Be VERY CAREFUL of who you share your troubles with – make sure they are committed to the success of your marriage and that they will seek to help you understand what YOU can do better to change things and not get caught up in the “blame game” WITH you! The ONLY reason you should be sharing information with ANY person should be to help you achieve the ONE-NESS in your marriage that God wants you to have – it should be a trusted counselor who can help you to understand how to e successful in marriage, which is a definite work of HEART!

A word of wisdom to who is involved in hearing marriage problems: Be sure you are committed to the success of the marriage. Be sure that you don’t “take sides,” and that you are an instrument of the Lord to help someone love God’s way. Be sure that you don’t allow self-righteousness or allow someone to share information you should NOT be hearing. Be sure YOU don’t contribute to the problems; but the ANSWER!

CHALLENGE: Look at the WORDS you are speaking today and be SURE you want to live in the HARVEST of those words in your future! Be wise and SOW SEEDS for a victorious marriage and life! Know that the Lord HAS given you the POWER – but YOU need to take it!

GREAT SCRIPTURES TO CONSIDER – IF YOU BELIEVE THE WORD, THEN LIVE THE WORD!!!

Proverbs 6:16-19 There are six things which the LORD hates, Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him: 1.Haughty eyes, 2. a lying tongue, And 3. hands that shed innocent blood, 4. A heart that devises wicked plans, 5. Feet that run rapidly to evil, 6. A false witness who utters lies, And 7. one who spreads strife among brothers. (Notice that the one who spreads strife is different than a false witness who is a liar.The following verses will reveal how such things as GOSSIP and SLANDER "spread strife among brothers." )

Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all transgressions.(Forgiven transgressions are to be covered.)

Proverbs 11:12-13 He who despises his neighbor lacks sense, But a man of understanding keeps silent. He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets, But he who is trustworthy conceals a matter. (The talebearer reveals secrets, not lies; the trustworthy person conceals the matter.)

Proverbs 12:16, 23 A fool’s anger is known at once, But a prudent man conceals dishonor. A prudent man conceals knowledge, But the heart of fools proclaims folly. (A prudent man conceals dishonor and knowledge.)

Proverbs 13:3 The one who guards his mouth preserves his life; The one who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.

Proverbs 16:27-28 A worthless man digs up evil, While his words are like scorching fire. A perverse man spreads strife, And a slanderer separates intimate friends. (A slanderer is worthless and perverse -- spreading strife.)

Proverbs 17:9 He who conceals a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends. (Seek love, not strife.)

Proverbs 19:11 A man’s discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook a transgression. (A man’s discretion is honored when he graciously overlooks a transgression.)

Proverbs 19:28 A rascally witness makes a mockery of justice, And the mouth of the wicked spreads iniquity. (The men who charged the woman “caught” in adultery, John 8:1-11.)

Proverbs 20:19 He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, Therefore do not associate with a gossip. (A slanderer is a gossip, not a liar; he wrongfully exposes hidden truth.)

Proverbs 21:23 He who guards his mouth and his tongue, Guards his soul from troubles. (Here, and at the Judgment Seat.)

Proverbs 25:9-10, 23 Argue your case with your neighbor, And do not reveal the secret of another,Or he who hears it will reproach you, And the evil report about you will not pass away. The north wind brings forth rain, And a backbiting tongue, an angry countenance. (Backbiting is revealing the secrets of another, causing strife.)

Proverbs 26:20-28 For lack of wood the fire goes out, And where there is no whisperer, contention quiets down.
21 Like charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, So is a contentious man to kindle strife.
22 The words of a whisperer are like dainty morsels, And they go down into the innermost parts of the body.
23 Like an earthen vessel overlaid with silver dross Are burning lips and a wicked heart.
24 He who hates disguises it with his lips, But he lays up deceit in his heart.
25 When he speaks graciously, do not believe him, For there are seven abominations in his heart.
26 Though his hatred covers itself with guile, His wickedness will be revealed before the assembly. (The whisperer is not necessarily a liar, except about himself, vs. 24-26.)

SOME NEW TESTAMENT VERSES

Matthew 15:19 “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders. (Here Jesus shows, as in the Old Testament, that slander is different than lying.)

Romans 1:29-30 being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips[whisperers], slanderers[speaks against], haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, (Again, the Holy Spirit , through the apostle Paul, shows that deceit differs from gossip or slander.)

2 Corinthians 12:20 For I am afraid that perhaps when I come I may find you to be not what I wish and may be found by you to be not what you wish; that perhaps there will be strife, jealousy, angry tempers, disputes, slanders [speak against], gossip [whisperer], arrogance, disturbances; (Paul was concerned that the saints were involved in these sins.)

1 Timothy 5:13 At the same time they also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also gossips [whisperers] and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention. (The gossips were not lying, but talking about things that were not proper to even mention.)

WHAT IS GOSSIP?

The above verses teach that GOSSIPS, SLANDERERS,WHISPERERS, etc., are words used to describe those who spread true information about a person, but the information concerns "things not proper to mention." We saw that these "things" could include "a transgression," "evil," "dishonor," "a matter," the "secrets of another," or "knowledge," and generally focus in on the past sins, mistakes, and failures of that person.

WHO GOSSIPS?

The arrogant and unforgiving attitude of our sin nature makes us ALL susceptible to getting involved in this abominable sin of gossip. In our selfishness, we feel better about ourselves when we can point to another person's failures.We saw that those that practice the sin of gossip are referred to as "worthless, perverse, wicked, hateful, fools."

WHAT TO DO ABOUT GOSSIP?

The Bible makes it very clear that just because we may have some true information, we do not have the right to share that information, especially when that information is damaging to an individual. Even when a Christian is in sin, it is to be kept quiet, private, and should be dealt with on a person-to-person basis, as follows::

Matthew 18:15 “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to
you, you have won your brother.

You go to your brother "in private." If "you have won your brother," the story stops there! If he continues in sin, then you go back with no more than two brothers, as follows:

Matthew 18:16 “But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that
by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed.

If you win your brother with two more witnesses, the story stops there. If he won't listen, proceed as follows::

Matthew 18:17 “If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to
listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

If your brother is won by the church, THE STORY STOPS THERE! If he continues in sin, he is to be put out of the church, and yes, you can tell others to perhaps warn them. But telling everyone about a sinning brother could be very damaging to the cause of Christ and the gospel. Does it really do any good to spread other people's failures when we all fail the Lord so many times? Remember, GOSSIP sows strife among the brothers, it's an ABOMINATION!

If someone comes to you and seems to be "GOSSIPING," (slandering another person), stop them immediately! Ask them if they have talked to the person that they seem to be gossiping about. Have they confronted this person about their sin? Has this person gone through church discipline? Is the person still practicing the sin? If the sin or problem has been dealt with, then the person "gossiping" should be confronted for sinning against you and against the person they are talking about. They need to apologize to you and the person they have slandered. You might even say to this person, "Why not tell me about some of your own failures instead of another person's failures. Will my knowing about another person's failures make my Christian walk any better?" "Will this information edify me?" Meditate on the following verses:

Ephesians 4:29-32 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.