Interview Each Other...

At a seminar we once went to for stronger marriages, we learned a technique we often use: the interview process...

You ask your spouse ONE thing they LIKE that you do, and ONE thing they DON'T like that you do (or DON'T like that you DON'T do!) -- stick with one thing or this interview process can become overwhelming!

Then your spouse asks YOU ONE thing you LIKE that they do, and ONE thing you DON'T like that they do (or DON'T like that they DON'T do!) -- again, stick with one thing!!!

Then for that week you try to do/don't do the one thing for each other!

Challenge: Try it! If it makes life happier in your home, keep it going!

Defining Moments

In marriage, it's not the common every normal day things-are-going-your-way things that define your relationship, but when the troubles come.  Pastor Sundell used to say that you never knew what was in the teabag until you put it into boiling water.  I believe the same thing in marriage relationships:  you can really tell what's in you when the stress comes.

How are you under pressure?  Do you crumble and spew out ugliness when things aren't going your way?  When you are overwhelmed, what comes out?  Take a good hard look at how you handle disappointments, frustrations, and pressures, and see if that's the person God made you to be.  If it's not, look at how those moments define you and take concrete steps to adjust your response-ability level.

If your problem is that you get hurtful in your words, examine your heart.  The Bible tells us that it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks.  Matthew 12.34; Luke 6.45.  If that's your problem, pray:  “Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”  (Psa 139:22-24 AMP)  Have the Lord change what you think in your very heart, and then when your heart is pure your words will be pure.  

If your problem is your anger, examine whether you have given your expectations and yielded your rights to the Lord.  If you have yielded all your rights to the Lord, then you cannot get angry when someone "violates" your "rights" because they are not your "rights" any more once you have given them to the Lord!

Challenge:  The next few days, see how you react when things don't go your way.  Remember, these are the moments that define who you are.  Make sure that when the hot water comes your way, what flows out of you is a reflection of the Lord inside of you!  

Celebrate What Is and not what Isn't

I had a sign hanging in my room when I was a teenager that said "Celebrate what IS and not what ISN'T."  Seeing it day in and day out, it kind of stuck with me.  

What is there to celebrate in your marriage?  Celebrate it!  Don't keep looking for what you don't have; look for what you have, and make the most of it!  

Sometimes it's difficult because you're stuck in a situation, but look at the "up" side of the situation rather than the "down" side.  

Challenge:  Make a list of things to celebrate about your spouse, and celebrate what is and not what isn't.  Go overboard in appreciation.  And put a blindfold on what isn't.  

Selfish or Self-less? MARRIAGE will let you know!

Are you selfish or self-less?  Don't worry, if you're wondering which one you are, your marriage will let you know!  God made us in HIS image and likeness.  We are made to give.  Unfortunately, our society has bent and mold and shaped us to "get all you can," "look out for #1," and "go for the gusto."  We need to be re-trained to think as the Lord thought:  to humble ourselves, to deny ourselves, to consider others better than ourselves, and to love without expecting anything in return.

Challenge:  Look for ways today to deny yourself, to consider your mate's needs above your needs, and to sacrificially love - with supporting and convincing actions - without expecting anything in return!

“Then Jesus said to His disciples, If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself [disregard, lose sight of, and forget himself and his own interests] and take up his cross and follow Me [cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying, also].”  (Matt 16:24 AMP)

Flick the Switch

One of the most powerful tools I know in relationships is one I was reminded of today when one of my adult children utilized it again.  

It is the power of "flicking the switch."  

Flick a light switch in a dark room and INSTANTLY light floods the room!  Flick it again: darkness instantly.  Powerful.

You have that power inside of you to turn an attitude around.  It is SO MUCH POWER that we often refuse to acknowledge we have it, or maybe sometimes we don't even believe we have it! But we DO.  When you start to see something in your attitude or actions that you don't want to be part of your character:  STOP and flick the switch and turn it around INSTANTLY.

When you don't think you can do it, ask for the Lord's help.  Turn your wrong attitudes around instantly.  You will be incredulous at the power the Lord has put within you.  You will waste fewer hours with wrong attitudes, and spend more joyous times with people you love when you exercise this power.  

Challenge:  The next time you see a wrong attitude surfacing, flick the switch and turn it around.  The more you do it, the easier it is!  Enjoy salvaging all those moments you would've wasted and turning them around into joyful memories!  

Marriage is Hard Work!

Having a good marriage is hard work.  It doesn't happen by accident!  Just like if you planted seeds in your garden and just LEFT IT ALONE -- nothing GOOD would happen -- in fact, it would be overrun with weeds and whatever else "drifted" in to the garden!

Same way with marriage...  You need to tend to your marriage, take time, get RID of weeds and anything that will hinder the best for your marriage, put time and energy into it...

Just like WORK -- the more effort you put into making your marriage exceptional, the more your marriage will reflect the rewards of your efforts.

Have you WORKED at your marriage lately, or have you been lazy and just "coasting"?!  What work needs to be done IMMEDIATELY to make your marriage better?  What WEEDS need to be pulled?  

Challenge:  WORK at your marriage today and every day.  Put forth efforts that are definable.  Write down at least three things each day that you specifically DO to make your marriage better!  And watch the harvest grow!

Spontaneity

While browsing through a men's health magazine running article, I ran across a list of a few things that men appreciate most in their wives.  One of the first things listed was spontaneity.

I think both husbands and wives appreciate spontaneous, unexpected, unplanned for interruptions from the normal day-to-day routine.  

Unplanned fun, an unplanned surprise, an unplanned special date...  this makes life exciting and keeps it from getting mundane!

My husband and I often surprise each other with spontaneous fun.  I'll grab his hand when he comes in the door and we'll dance to a special song in the living room, we'll go out for a spontaneous coffee, we'll surprise each other with a card or small gift.  I'll burn him a music CD, or text him "143" [which means I love you].  

Challenge:  If it's at the top of the list for men, and I KNOW women love spontaneity as well, make it a point to do something spontaneous within the next few days.  It doesn't have to be costly, just put a little forethought into it!  Have your honey singing the Fleetwood Mac oldie:  You make lovin' fun!