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Monday, September 8, 2014
Monday, September 1, 2014
How Your Thoughts Steer Your Destiny
In an article called New Ways to Predict Which Marriages
Will Succeed, by Robert M. Sapolsky, in the Wall Street Journal on August
21, 2014, interestingly enough, science reinforces the fact that:
The more subconscious
negativity in a newlywed, the larger the decline in marital satisfaction four
years later.
What are you thinking
about? Even if subconsciously you
entertain negativity about your spouse, your marriage, your life in general,
your thoughts will steer your destiny.
Proverbs 23.7 says, As
a man thinks in his heart, so is he…
Luke 6.45 tells us, Good people do the good
that is in them. But evil people do the evil that is in them. The things people
say come from inside them.
And
Matthew 12.34 says: How can you evil
people say anything good? Your mouth says what comes from inside you.
Watch
the way you allow yourself to think…
Those thoughts are more powerful than you realize!
Discipline
your mind:
1. Think positive thoughts. Positive
means consisting in or characterized by
the presence or possession of features or qualities rather than their absence. In other words, be grateful for what you have and stop looking at what you don’t have. (Read Chapter 6, Reasonable and Realistic,
and Chapter 14, Joy in the Journey from my book, How to Build an Enduring Marriage, which can be ordered at http://www.betterrelationshipsnow.com.)
2. Put negative thoughts out of your mind, replacing them with positive ones. Negative thoughts are thoughts consisting in or characterized by the
absence rather than the presence of distinguishing features. If you see that science and statistics prove
that negativity predicts disaster, take note that you don’t concentrate on what
you don’t have!
3. Make your presence a positive one. Build up rather than tear down. Watch little things that may seem innocuous
but are subconsciously detouring your future success. I am amazed and embarrassed when I hear
someone recounting something negative about their spouse. I am keenly aware
that as the closest person in someone’s life, a spouse certainly can find
negative thing to talk about. But I am
also keenly aware that a spouse can find positive
things to share about their mate, particularly in public. Even if it is poking fun or sarcastically
sharing a bad habit, the dynamics behind such conversation goes deeper than the
moment:
(1)
First of all, you are tearing down
with your words rather than building up. You have a chance to share something
wonderful about your spouse to others with him/her present, and instead you
choose some remote little idiosyncrasy to embellish. Just think of how different your spouse would
feel if you shared something wonderful they have done recently with the public
instead!
(2)
Secondly, you are feeding negative
feelings about what bothers you instead of feeding positive feelings about why you love your spouse. As the article in the Wall Street Journal and
statistics prove, you are feeding a decline in your marital satisfaction.
(3)
You are establishing a pattern
for your thoughts and for what you share about your spouse. If you do that long enough, you will find
yourself habitually driving in the rut you have established.
(4)
You are showing your spouse that all the good things he/she has done,
been involved with, or tried to do, the thing you choose to SHARE PUBLICLY
about him/her is some negative thing.
As Sapolsky states in his article: Did people with the most positive automatic feelings about their spouses subsequently develop fewer problems in their marriages, or were they less sensitive to the usual number of problems? Subtle data analysis suggested the latter. So the more POSITIVE you think, the less sensitive you will be when problems come, enabling you to get through them easier!
Philippians
4.8 sums it up: Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your
minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling,
gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to
praise, not things to curse.
I
love Proverbs 18.21: Words kill, words give life; they’re either
poison or fruit—you choose. Change
your words by changing your heart and bring LIFE and GOOD when you speak!
Challenge: Stop being so NEGATIVE. Let your words show you what is in your
heart, and set a watch over your mouth as you work on what you think
about! ONLY speak about good things and
see how different your week goes!
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Things That Really Matter
The way we look at activities, pursuits, and
others usually starts with the way we look at self. When you center your life
on temporary fleeting activities and pursuits, your priorities will have to
change to revolve around activities and pursuits that may not even be a
priority to you. You will find that you really aren’t able to consider others’
feelings or needs because yours are taking up too much time. You will become
hypercritical of others’ for their outward appearance, and you will rarely
notice or focus on the characteristics in the lives of others that transcend
the temporal test of beauty to be character qualities that matter for eternity.
For example, I used to tell my girls, “You show me a super-buff, dressed to the
T, suntanned, perfect-looking guy, and I’ll guarantee that’s one guy that doesn’t
have time for many things besides himself, the gym, and the tanning booth.”
I was guilty of this at one time in my life too. I
was training for the marathon, and running was a passion for me. I even missed
an important baby shower because I was running. I let everything revolve around
my running schedule and made no accommodations for any one or any activity that
didn’t involve my training. I learned that even when something is a useful, it
has to be kept in its proper perspective. 1 Timothy 4:10 (THE MESSAGE),
“Workouts in the gymnasium are useful, but a disciplined
life in God is far more so, making you fit both today and forever.”
When you live out priorities that really matter in
your own life, however, you will naturally appreciate others for things that
really matter as well. When you find yourself concentrating on all the wrong activities,
start looking first at how you prioritize your own life. Don’t allow yourself
to live out of balance; concentrate on how much time you spend on your external
beauty and how much time you spend developing and demonstrating character and
your inner beauty by spending time in the Word of God, in church, ministry,
helping those less fortunate, and other such disciplines.
When you develop inner beauty, character, virtue, and wisdom, you can stop grasping at the unattainable "fountain of youth" and focus on beauty that is incorruptible and unfading (1 Peter 3.3). You can smile at the future (Proverbs 31.25), because you know that, "beauty evaporates, but a woman who has the fear of the Lord should be praised" (Proverbs 31.30, God's Word).
(From my upcoming book, How to Build an Enduring Marriage, to be published September 2014. See www.karenbudzinski.com for information on ordering and pre-ordering the book, companion workbook and teacher's guide!)
Monday, May 19, 2014
Time for Gardening (Part 2 of 2)
B. Plant Seeds and Pull
Weeds!
Start sowing seeds as
soon as you can! Plant GOOD things into
your life! The better the seeds you
plant into your life every day, the better the harvest that will continually be
coming up!
Are you sowing seeds
that will inspire you to jump out of bed each morning and throw open the
windows, excited to see what’s growing from the seeds you planted? Or are you
closing the shades and covering your head because you don’t even WANT to know
what’s coming up from seeds you planted?
(I DON’T even WANT to see that person!!!!) What do you need to plant more of so you can
eagerly anticipate the harvest?
The past few years
I’ve absolutely been INCREDULOUS of what Christians have allowed into their
lives. Compromise after compromise.
Then, when the HARVEST comes, the people that so openly violated God’s statutes
and principles are the first ones to feel confused, acting like GOD just dealt
them an unfair hand.
God’s Word says it
plainly: DON’T BE DECEIVED (KJV). Don’t be misled: No one makes a fool
of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants
selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!— harvests a crop of weeds. All he’ll have to
show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting
God’s Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal
life. (Gal. 6.7-8)
If you grow a healthy tree, you’ll pick healthy fruit. If you grow
a diseased tree, you’ll pick worm-eaten fruit. The fruit tells you about the
tree. (Matt 12.33)
You can tell what has
been planted by what is growing. You can
go by any field and know that if strawberry plants are everywhere, that’s what
was planted there. If corn is growing
you can be sure that corn was planted.
Let’s take a minute to
think about what has been growing on in our own lives. Have we been “sowing” to the flesh, which
the Bible promises will reap “corruption,” or to the “Spirit,” which the Bible
promises will reap everlasting life? Are
there some things that the Holy Spirit has been putting it on your heart to do
that you just haven’t made the time to do?
Are there some things that you know the Holy Spirit has been putting on
your heart NOT to do, yet you still do them?
Do you “redeem” the time, and live with an eternal perspective?
Just like in a regular
garden, good things will NOT grow by “accident.” Things worth keeping will not
just plant themselves when you’re not paying attention! For example, in order not to sin against God,
you must hide His Word in your heart! In
order to rightly divide the Word of truth, you must study. In order to find, you must seek. In order for the enemy to flee, you must
resist him. In order to discern the good
and acceptable and perfect will of God, you must not be conformed to this world
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind! In order to be exalted by the Lord, you must
humble yourself. These things must all
be DONE in order to achieve the stated result!
None of these promises of God fall from the sky: they are all stated to be EFFECTS of certain
actions! Do a verb study in the Bible
and see what seeds you need to be planting to get the harvest you desire! God’s love is unconditional; but many of His
blessings are EFFECTS of obedience to His statutes and principles.
WEEDS are
different: they can “drift in” and even
take over by accident! In fact, left to
itself, a garden will become so FULL of weeds, that the life of the good plants
will be choked out! What has “drifted
in” and choked out your eternal perspective? If it looks destructive or even
not productive, weed it out!
Also, remember that
with both weeds AND with good plants, what you harvest is always exponentially
larger than the seed originally put into the ground. Consider a tomato seed. It is incredibly small, yet one seed produces
a plant which produces many tomatoes FULL of seeds to produce more plants! Consider a dandelion. One seed produces a plant which produces many
more seeds to blow and carry to produce more plants! Be wise about what the seeds you plant
because you will have exponentially more to bless or curse your life with when
the sown seeds come to maturity! Hos 8.7
says, Look at them! Planting wind-seeds, they’ll harvest
tornadoes.
C. Many lives will be
impacted positively OR negatively by what is produced there.
Romans 14.7 tells us
that no one lives or dies unto themselves.
Many people are affected by the seeds you sow in your life and the
resulting harvest from them.
If your garden has
been allowed to populate with weeds, it is time to attend diligently to
it. Too many people have allowed
compromise and lack of conviction to set in, and without even realizing it,
their weedy garden has seeded and flown into others’ lives producing weeds
there also. In the book of Romans, Paul
says that he will do NOTHING that causes others to stumble. In Luke, we are told it is better for us to
be thrown into the sea with a huge weight around our necks than to cause
someone to stumble. When David committed
murder and adultery, the judgment of God fell on him specifically because he
had given great occasion to the enemies
of the LORD to blaspheme. (2 Sam
12.13-14) Our influence is a HUGE
responsibility. If your garden hasn’t
been blessing others abundantly, just start pulling those weeds immediately!
God’s plan is for your
garden to yield so many good things that it overflows to everyone around
you. It is meant to yield far more than
you can enjoy alone! Remember when the girl
in the Bible was referred to as “a garden closed in…”? In Song 5.1, the picture is the Lord coming
back to her garden, finding abundance there, and inviting friends to partake of
the fruits there. As the Father sent
Jesus, He sends us (John 20.21). When we
do good to others, it is as if we are doing it for Him. He even desires that when He comforts you
through your trials you share the same comfort with others! (2 Cor 1.4)
Is your garden one
where you willingly share what is produced for the benefit of those around
you? We are stewards of everything we
receive from the Lord; and He has entrusted us with various spiritual,
emotional, physical, financial and experiential provisions to share with
others. To whom much is given, much is required. Have you used all He has entrusted you with
to bless others? Whatever it is, even
if it’s just a lunch like the young boy gave to Jesus, dedicated to the Lord,
He will use what you give Him to bless many many people. (Handful of meal; cruse of oil – Elijah in 1
Kings 17.12-15; pour out – like the
woman who poured out her pot of oil and as she poured it filled vessels “not a
few!”)
Challenge
I close
with what Paul says in 2 Cor 7.8-12 to the Corinthian church after his letter
convicted them:
The letter upset you, but only for a
while. Now I’m glad—not that you were
upset, but that you were jarred into turning things around. You let the
distress bring you to God, not drive you from him. The result was all gain, no
loss.
Distress that drives us to God does that. It
turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that
kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of
regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets.
And now, isn’t it wonderful all the ways in
which this distress has goaded you closer to God? You’re more alive, more
concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more
responsible. Looked at from any angle, you’ve come out of this with purity of
heart. And that is what I was hoping
for in the first place.
This
incredible parallel was meant to inspire each of us to “lift the bar.”
Assess your
garden with the Lord, Plant Seeds, Pull Weeds!
Not only does the Lord wish to bless YOU, but allow others to be
incredibly blessed by the fruit of the seeds you plant in your life!
I
will make you a great nation, I will bless you. I will make your name
great,and you will be a blessing.
(Gen. 12:2)
You’ve
gotten a reputation as a bad-news people, you people of Judah and Israel, but
I’m coming to save you. From now on, you’re the good-news people. Don’t be
afraid. Keep a firm grip on what I’m doing. (Zech. 8:13)
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Time for Gardening! (Part 1 of 2)
After
telling the parable of the sower, Jesus asked “Are you listening to this? Really listening?”
Mark 4.33-34, reading
from the Message, it explains the use of teaching in parables:
With many
stories like these, he presented his message to them, fitting the stories to
their experience and maturity. He was
never without a story when he spoke. When he was alone with his disciples, he
went over everything, sorting out the tangles, untying the knots.
The Lord gave us several parallels in Scripture that relate to
gardens. In Song of Solomon 4.12, the
Shulamite woman is compared to a garden
enclosed, a field shut up, a fountain stopped.
In Song 8.13, the Lord is called Thou that dwellest in the gardens. In 4.16, 6.2 and 6.11, we see the Lord comes
into our gardens to see whether the vine
flourishes and the fruit grows, and to enjoy the fruit and flowers there.
In 5.1, we see the Lord’s higher purpose for our gardens is to produce enough
to provide for others, which is a delight to the Lord.
So, roll up your sleeves, because we are going to do some
gardening!
A. Assessing your garden.
The problem with the
Shulamite woman is that the fountain was STOPPED in her garden, and the garden
was CLOSED. Let’s look at YOUR
garden. Do you find you are “closed off”
to visitors? Do you sometimes feel that
you have “nothing to offer” anyone? One
of the biggest tools of the enemy is to isolate you from others. One of the best ways to do that is to make
you feel like you have nothing to offer or that you just don’t have it together
enough to be a blessing to others.
God’s plan for you is totally different:
He’s made YOU to be His hand extended, to be a blessing to others, to be
involved in the lives of others!
You and the Lord, take
inventory TODAY. Take some personal time
with the Lord, and take a real, hard look at what your life is producing for
Him.
In John 15 (1-2 and
5-6), Jesus said, I am the Real Vine and my Father is
the Farmer. He cuts off every branch of
me that doesn’t bear grapes. And every branch that is grape-bearing he prunes
back so it will bear even more. … I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you’re joined with me and I
with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be
abundant. Separated, you can’t produce a thing. Anyone who separates from me is deadwood,
gathered up and thrown on the bonfire.
Have you “separated” from the life in
Christ and your walk with Him, and you need to address some things right
away? If you’re already bearing fruit,
you still need to scrutinize your garden:
His plan is to PRUNE you back FURTHER so you can bear even more!
In Luke 13.6-9, Jesus told His disciples
a story, A man had an apple tree planted
in his front yard. He came to it expecting to find apples, but there weren’t
any. He said to his gardener, ‘What’s
going on here? For three years now I’ve come to this tree expecting apples and
not one apple have I found. Chop it down! Why waste good ground with it any
longer?’
The gardener said, ‘Let’s give it another year.
I’ll dig around it and fertilize, and
maybe it will produce next year; if it doesn’t, then chop it down.’
As you look at your life with the Lord in
your prayer time, is He exclaiming, “WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?! For (however long) I’ve come to this tree
expecting something to be growing, and I haven’t found ONE thing!”
After your assessment, get to WORK. We’re DISCIPLES, and a good garden takes
discipline! Spring is
a GREAT time for getting rid of dead leaves, turning hardened ground over, and
fertilizing the soil. Throw out the DEAD stuff that cluttering up your life. Don’t look just at what’s “okay” to do or be
involved with, look at what is PRODUCTIVE!
In 1 Cor 6.12, the Bible says, Just
because something is technically legal doesn’t mean that it’s spiritually
appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I’d
be a slave to my whims.
Are there
areas where your heart has been hardened and you need to dig into so that
something new can be planted? The Bible tells us Sow righteousness, reap love. It’s time to till the ready earth, it’s time
to dig in with GOD, Until he arrives with righteousness ripe for harvest. (Hos. 10.12)
Dig in with God and OVERTURN any wrong thoughts or attitudes that will
stop the right things from growing in your life! Pray Psalm 139.23-24: Search
me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Do you need to add
minerals or nutrients to the soil in your garden?
1. His presence.
Are you spending time with the Lord DAILY. In His presence is strength,
wisdom, and joy: things you need EVERY
DAY.
2. Prayer and Bible study. Do you need to devote more time for prayer or
study? He said when you study, you show
you’re approved, and you will be able to “rightly divide the Word of
truth.” I have seen many people with
sincere hearts following wrong doctrine because they don’t know the Word of
God! Be sure to study and know God’s
Word!
3. Fellowship with other believers. Have you been neglecting fellowship with
other believers? The Lord gave different gifts in the body so that “iron
sharpens iron.” He handed out gifts
operating in the Church, HIS BODY, so that we would be “mature.”
(To be continued...)
Labels:
assessment,
Bible study,
fellowship,
Gardening,
Marriage,
Parable,
prayer,
Sowing and Reaping,
work on marriage
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